Posted at 4:00 p.m.
He has been married for almost 50 years. Has slept with one woman. Hers. And he’s doing very well, thank you. Interview with a “museum piece”.
The expression is not ours, of course. But rather from François, a septuagenarian from the Quebec region who wrote to us earlier this year, blown away.
“Your articles tend to praise people […] who have a lot of sexual experience, who have had multiple relationships, he wrote, stung. Well, it’s sure that me, poor ignorant, 72-year-old man who’s only slept with one woman, mine […], I am a museum piece for you. Happy as a couple for 50 years, it is no longer of any value in this contemporary world so open to all experience … “, he launched, in a long tirade mixing reflection and provocation.
In a virtual interview one stormy morning last month, our white-bearded man, an intellectual who obviously knows a thing or two about sex (he’s read all of Masters and Johnson, plus the Hite reports, at length, will learn we), gives it back. “I deplore the fact that there seem to be so many people who have enormous difficulty building a personal and sexual life over the longer term. »
Obviously, everything is also a question of “choice”, he says, throwing himself generously into his life story, sparing no memory, with obvious pleasure. For her part, it has always been clear: “Very early on, I aimed to meet someone with whom I could share my life. At 14, 15, my goal was that. »
Love at first sight
And then, around 19 or 20 years old, after a few love affairs, he saw everything that resembled love at first sight. It was at a party: a girl her age was hosting the party. There, standing on the stage, François sees a “flash”: “My life unfolded before me in a few seconds. Believe me if you want it, we were going to get married, have children, make our life together. And that’s what happened! Is that it, love at first sight? he wonders, suddenly all smiles.
He continues by going back to his first phone call (to the girl in question, you will have understood it), their first evening, and their first years.
First sexual relationship? Three years later, after their marriage. But still ? François suddenly blushes, because well, there was “difficulty”, as he says. “My wife has vaginismus. You know what it is ? She had the vagina blocked, there was no possible penetration. »
Fortunately for the couple, Madame comes from the health sector. So she knew exactly what was happening to her. And was able to explain it to him. His doctor also “played things down”, gave some advice (in terms of relaxation), and the matter was then completely resolved. “Immediately, then, we had complete, normal, very satisfactory relations,” assures François. Example ? “We learned from each other what satisfied us. The most pleasant feelings, we always communicated a lot, with a lot of concern for each other. From the start? “From the start,” he agrees.
I do not know the stories of others, but in the case of a quiet couple like us, we had very regular sex. I have a libido, very strong needs, I wanted relationships very frequently. […] Almost every day. And it continued almost all our life!
Francis
Over the years, they traveled a lot (“we were alone all the time, if we weren’t made to be together, it would have been a mess!”), made common choices (financial, family), together , all the time.
And no, the arrival of many children has not changed anything. “Apart from the fact that we no longer had one-to-one dinners, he underlines. It was difficult, that separation, because we were always used to being very close! »
Admittedly, after childbirth, their pace slowed down slightly, but very little. And especially never for long. “We followed the stages of life as a couple”, recites our man, who has also read a lot on the question, telling us about the stage of passion, which gives way to the stage of routine, then possibly to that of self-realization.
And how did they survive the routine, exactly? “We practiced natural contraception”, answers François here. We do not immediately see the link, yet there is indeed a link. “No full relationship during the fertile period, he explains, it allowed us to experiment. “Indeed, even if a priori he did not really believe in it (“A sexual relationship without an orgasm? The first time, I said to myself: it does not make sense, it is ridiculous!”), After explanations and reflections, he understood that this imposed a certain openness on them, “to broaden [leurs] modes of sexual expression. “Because sexuality is not just genitality,” he says. It’s much wider than that. »
vital sex
Of course, with time and age came diseases too. Madame, in particular, had cancer, and yes, her chemo stifled a lot of her libido. But François did not let it die out completely. “I didn’t want to force her, but I had a certain insistence. We must continue our sex life, he told her. It can’t hurt you to have fun…”
Why did he insist? “Because for me, having sex is vital,” he replies. Like eating and sleeping. If we put that aside, at one point or another, we’re going to have problems. And clearly, his efforts paid off. They quickly resumed their almost daily rhythm.
Today ? “Rather once a week,” he said. Helping age, it certainly takes “more work”, he says, laughing. “It doesn’t always go to the complete satisfaction of both, but that’s okay, we take what we can get!” “But he does not budge:” Maintaining sexual activities is important. »
Moral? “It is not in the multiplicity of experiences that we will go towards a fulfilling sexuality, he believes. It is in the information and in the broadening of our vision of sexuality. And then in the development of our couple. […] And I have an exceptional couple relationship, I won’t hide it from you… ”We understood it…
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity