Posted yesterday at 4:00 p.m.
Peter is a great “romantic”. He met “fantastic” women, made “exceptional” encounters. Wonderful ! But after several disappointments, he wonders: is the model of the traditional couple the right one? Maybe not. Thoughts.
He wrote to us in reaction to the testimony of a certain Catherine*, at the beginning of the year, whose rant against single men made many react. “Go and consult,” she said roughly.
Mid-forties, with a dark profile, Peter, an English speaker with almost impeccable French, found her “very funny”. “I saw his prejudices, his big generalizations, he laughs (yellow) at the camera. She seems to have a checklist to sort it out! It’s very comical… It reminds me of a lot of women I meet on Tinder, in a hurry to find the right match. And who is interviewing you? »
“Let’s see then,” he smiled, I don’t need this. This is online dating…”
For romanticism, we will come back.
And our man is a great “romantic”. Take his first time: “Late, he says, at 18. With a woman I loved. »
I had this romantic idea: I wanted to wait for the wedding! And then I couldn’t resist…
To fart
The adventure lasts a year. Another love affair follows, which this time stretches over four years. “They were 20-something relationships. We are young, what do we know? We are just beginning to discover who we are… » Sexually? ” Pleasant… ”
Generous in his reflections, Peter is rather stingy (modest?) with more concrete details, throughout the interview. But he obviously enjoys talking.
Thus, at the turn of his thirties, he met his wife, who was the mother of his children. Their story here lasts 10 years. “A love at first sight,” he sums up. Fantastic. Then, how to say, let’s say that on a daily basis, neither of us was equipped to deal with the stakes. »
Anxious not to say anything bad about his ex, he continues: “But she was an exceptional woman, very beautiful, and I am still in love with her. Yes, yes, I find it hard to believe that you can no longer love someone. […] It’s still over, but that doesn’t stop the esteem I have for her. »
In bed ? ” Fantastic. Truly. We had an excellent bond. It got tougher when we got together, power struggles got on board…” But basically: ” She’s a wonderful woman ! »
But still ? “Question of feeling,” he replies. We were accomplices, it was warm, in love, true. We were able to be vulnerable with each other. Without reservation. We discovered. We were able to explore together at our own pace. »
Example (are we trying)? “It’s not something I want to discuss here,” he replies kindly. But we were able to talk about what turned us on. »
I encourage this kind of sharing, saying what excites us. We only have one life to live. And what’s fun about sex is the connection. […] It’s mental, emotional, sensory.
To fart
He specifies: “My goal is not necessarily to take action, but to share, to open up to each other, to discover something new from our partner. I was never in a hurry to live the fantasy… »
Nevertheless, despite all these fine words, their couple ended up fluttering. Solid. Especially after the children. “We had lean years, he concedes. We made so little love, it drove me crazy. Once every two or three months, awful. I felt like I was losing my youth, I was very frustrated. But I loved him…”
So obviously they moved away. “That’s the tragedy of this relationship. He raised red flags, but Madame didn’t take them. And Peter ended up looking elsewhere. “I loved my wife, but I felt rejected…”
We understand that the latter ended up learning it, they found each other, experienced a certain revival (“a beautiful rebirth”), but the damage was done. ” Too little, too late. » And so the relationship ended.
And then ? “I found myself in shared custody, managing the White House,” he smiles (a nod to the famous Catherine, who criticized the men for their lack of availability during their week on duty).
While traveling, he meets a new woman. “And I made the classic mistake of finding myself in a relationship right after. It wasn’t the best idea, but exceptional encounters don’t happen every day…”
The case does not last and Peter decides to put himself on “pause”. “I was tired, and worked up. […] Really depressed because of all this bereavement. And I’m not afraid to say it. I saw my doctor and told him, “I need help.” (New wink: yes, men who consult, it exists, Catherine.)
I found resources, it helped me on my way. Cure my sores. […] I really wanted to do a reset before getting back into the world of dating.
To fart
It was just before the pandemic. Peter finally feels recovered. “Rebuilt”, as he says. When traveling, he has fun. Meet new nice people. “And I got my wings back,” he says, smiling.
Back in town, he registers on various sites, and ends up dating three women. “Basically, I had three girlfriends,” he laughs. Exceptional women who are always in my life. »
Yes, they all knew. “It just happened. My motto: we don’t know each other, we’ll take the time to get to know each other. In that world [du dating]you can’t ask for exclusivity. […] It’s been both ways. Everyone was free. »
If he obviously found his account for a time (“it was honest, not complicated”), the adventure quickly became difficult to manage. The first “girlfriend” also “withdrew” from the project, the second tried her hand elsewhere (“in something more traditional”). And the third? “She was married, answers Peter, and I asked her to make a choice. […] I wanted to try ! And yes, she chose him. Him.
End of the story ? In fact, and for all sorts of reasons (personal and professional), the adventure was “difficult”. “In principle, it’s over. Sufficiently complicated for Peter to completely question himself here. For real ?
“I’m not against the idea of being in a relationship, but I don’t know if it’s for me, he notes, several failures later. I’ve tried the traditional pair several times, and it doesn’t work. […] I’m a lifelong romantic, but my reality doesn’t match. […] Maybe I’ll be an eternal celibate? ” Who knows ? In the meantime, he says: “There, I want to take care of myself, of my children, and to manage my White House…”
* Fictitious first names, to protect their anonymity