Press offers you a weekly testimonial that aims to illustrate what really happens behind the bedroom door, in the privacy, far, far away from statistics and standards. Today: Éléonore *, 40 years old.
Seeing a mother with her child, you don’t immediately think about her sexuality, her libido, her desires and possible deficiencies. And yet… Confidences of a “soloparental” mother.
The expression is not from her, but comes from a group formed on social networks. And it fits him perfectly. Because Éléonore, 40, who receives us one autumn morning in her large, lighted apartment in the north of the city, while her baby is in daycare, is really solo. No shared custody. No father in the portrait. Mother more than full time. Hence the issue of privacy, we understand.
Before coming there, you should know that the young mother, blonde with light eyes, had a busy love life and, let’s say, rather eventful. Started late (“very late”, she said laughing, never daring to tell us the age, “I wanted so badly to finish with that damn first time!”), In the context of an entire adventure. except “pleasant” – of very short duration with a too well-hung lover -, she ends up fully discovering the “pleasures of sexuality” with her “first real long relationship”. Somewhere around the turn of your twenties, you guess.
“He was not embarrassed, super generous,” she tells herself, in a soft voice, calm and always thoughtful. It’s because she likes to talk about sexuality. And it shows. “We explored everything. Anal, sex shops, we had no taboos, and it was very respectful. “She chuckles and goes on, serving us a coffee:” It’s so funny to tell all this to someone you don’t know! ”
Over time, and over the years, Éléonore, however, wanted him less. “I thought I didn’t want to have sex anymore. But I wanted someone else. Obsessed with someone else… ”, she says smiling, knowingly, referring to a work colleague, much younger and obviously very in love. She therefore puts an end to her relationship, and has fun with this young man for a few months. “It filled a gap …”
A few short-lived adventures follow, then Éléonore immerses herself in a new long-term relationship, which this time lasts for five years. Here, it’s the other way around: Monsieur is anything but generous.
It was very frustrating. Me, I had a lot of desire […], but him, less libido than me.
Éléonore, 40 years old
She remembers begging him outright. Or masturbating next to him while he was snoring. And no longer count the number of times the man has enjoyed, then leaving her alone, and hungry, “in plan”. “It made me understand the sexual urges of men. They’re stuck with it. It’s very hard. “It’s not easy to be the person who always wants to,” she adds.
Love and pain abroad
At the beginning of her thirties, Éléonore ended her officially “unhealthy” relationship, and went to do an internship abroad. It is there, “in distant lands,” she laughs, remaining deliberately vague, that she meets the future father of her child. His face suddenly lights up. “A great meeting. An extraordinary beginning of love. Sexually, it was my best lover, by far … “, she insists, remembering their” chemistry “, this” attraction “, and especially their compatibility in terms of libido. “I found him so beautiful…”
Except here it is: beyond that, the relationship is anything but harmonious. “It’s hard to say: why? Different cultures, perhaps? Maybe our personalities weren’t compatible? “Their story lasts six years (” on / off “and” at a distance “). Why did you have a child? “When things are going well, we want to believe it…” Except that after a few weeks of pregnancy, Éléonore must face the facts: it is not going. “And it went very badly, but we loved each other very much …”
We spare you the details of the separation, the return trips between Quebec and abroad, but the fact remains that Éléonore found herself alone, overnight, barely a few months pregnant. And it was “terrible”.
Let’s say I spent a lot of time staring at the ceiling. Abundantly. Since I was little I dreamed of a family. Ayoye. Am I really going to go through my pregnancy on my own?
Éléonore, 40 years old
Fortunately, she is well surrounded. Her girlfriends accompany her on her journey (until childbirth). But she doesn’t hide it. “I really like the masculine energy. I missed it. […] I would have wanted someone to take care of me… ”
Her daughter was 6 months old when Éléonore made her first meeting. Unexpectedly, she knows it too well. “I am all alone with a young child, I have very little chance of meeting someone…”, she drops. However, while camping with friends, she comes across a man who wants to see her again. She still remembers it. The first “date”, the first kiss, after months of full-time motherhood. “And it really released a lot of desires. Full of hormones. OK, I’m not just a mom! I still want that: frencher, all that, as if I had a dam opening… ”
Still, she knows she is not ready to get naked. “Presenting my new body? I had lots of small reservations: it hurt to put a tampon, and I had breasts! She laughed, banging on the table. Hard as a rock, we guess.
The story is short-lived, but nevertheless awakens Éléonore.
I found my desires for women! […] And I can’t stand it anymore so much I want to make love!
Éléonore, 40 years old
It’s finally months later, and with a long-time friend, father and with whom Éléonore feels much more at ease (“he knows that, the body of a woman who has had children”), that she finally and fully rediscovers her sexuality. This time without complexes. For good reason: of course, her body has changed, she is less lubricated, her breasts flow, but all that, sir knows. And Éléonore came back to life. “It’s been a year and a half since I had sex! », She beams.
The baby interrupts them at night, it doesn’t bother him. They even sometimes make love with the little one by their side (“like so many people on the planet”) and always, “he was at ease”, she says, smiling, marveling as she walks past. the ability of his brain to switch from “mother” to “woman” mode, and vice versa, according to awakenings and orgasms.
Except that the story did not last either, because Éléonore was not in love. Since then, she has had yet another affair, with an older man this time, and moreover polyamorous. As fulfilling as it was (“we really have good sexual chemistry […] and I became comfortable in my body again as before! »), The situation does not suit him. Éléonore aspires to more. She wants a lover. Companion. A man for whom his daughter would be “a plus, not a burden”. In the meantime: “I have desires. Desires. I am so deprived of companionship. […] There are women who are fulfilled by their child. […] Me, the reality is that right now, in my life, I miss sexuality. ”
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity.