Charlotte* has found herself. After being in a relationship, raising children, here she is alone, and above all very, very well accompanied. By a handful of men, at the center of a “harem”, to boot.
It was actually one of her lovers who convinced her to contact us to share her story. “I date several men who bring me a little piece of themselves in their own way that I put together for my greatest pleasure,” she wrote to us at the beginning of the summer. “My children know my situation, because I want to pass on to them a model that is different from the traditional couple and remind them that they are responsible for their own happiness, no matter where it may be. I am fulfilled, happy, fulfilled and serene. Wouldn’t that be happiness?” she said in a visibly inspired, long message. Oh yes, and a significant detail: “I will soon be 50, I have a body that carries my story, and yet, I am attractive…”
We understand that we obviously wanted to meet her. With her natural look, without the slightest makeup and slightly graying hair, Charlotte therefore arranged to meet us in a motorway side café, to confide in complete freedom, between two obligations. You should know that our interlocutor is also a manager, and clearly very busy. Which does not prevent her from being visibly very keen on the subject. And this, since her very first experience, as a teenager.
I knew I was going to like this.
Charlotte, late forties
When she then discovered masturbation, it was confirmed. “I really liked it! It’s also part of my balance…”, she says, without being asked to confide.
At university, Charlotte then “enjoyed” herself by fulfilling various fantasies. “I didn’t want a permanent partner,” she says. Instead, she had an affair with an older man here, a shared experience there, etc. “I quickly understood that there would be sequels. That it would be part of me.” Discovery, experimentation, adventures and fulfilling her fantasies, in other words.
Until she met her husband, and the father of her children, a real love at first sight, it must be said. In bed? “It’s great,” she says, emphasizing their very beautiful “sexual connection.” The problem? “Fantasies, varying practices, that wasn’t on the agenda.” For reasons of trust in him, no doubt, and especially jealousy. She tries to discuss it, to open the conversation, then gives up. It must be said that the children arrive quickly, the equation changes, and priorities shift.
At some point I let go, for that love and for our children.
Charlotte, late forties
Does she feel like she’s being bullied here? “Yes,” she answers firmly, and without hesitation, as she does to all our questions. Charlotte is a strong-willed woman and it shows. “But I have a lot of passions in my life: my children, my work.” In short, she has a lot of fish to fry.
Years go by, the children grow up, and Charlotte comes back to the charge. Monsieur continues to oppose the project and for all sorts of reasons that we will not mention here, it will finally take her almost 10 years before taking the plunge and leaving him. That was a few years ago. Here we are.
Mid-forties, here she is single. Charlotte spends a good year alone, to find herself, before taking the plunge and signing up for various dating apps. “When you don’t want to meet serious people, it’s a bit crazy for women at my age,” she says. The number of messages is incredible, 150 a day, impossible to manage.” So she has to determine more clearly what she wants, realizes that she is “sapiosexual” (“I need someone brilliant”). “I sorted out the people who were going to surround me…”, she sums up.
For the past year or two, she has been seeing four men, her famous “harem”, as her very first one, whom she still sees to this day, called it. “He has become a special friend.” We believe we saw him passing by briefly during the interview.
Monsieur is in an open relationship and, with him, Charlotte says she has “discovered lots of things”. Among other things: he writes scripts that they then have fun putting into practice.
The second is a farmer, in a relationship with a woman who no longer wants to know anything about sexuality. “Do what you want,” she allegedly told him. Together, they frequent swingers clubs.
The third one comes from another city, is also in an open relationship, Charlotte has even had dinner with his wife. With him, sex lasts for hours.
The fourth, finally, is a single military man, quite greedy, thank you. Note that she met them all online, on different sites, that they all know that she has this “harem” (she even did an experiment with two of them together!), and they are all 50 years old.
“I find great happiness in having more than one person with me,” she analyses, with examples of pleasure flirting with fainting to support her claim.
I feel like I have a superpower. Like there’s no limit to the pleasure.
Charlotte, late forties
No, if you’re wondering, Charlotte isn’t looking for a lover here. “I’m very proud to be independent in my life.” She doesn’t believe she’ll ever be able to become monogamous again either. “I’m convinced that there’s no single person who can meet all the other person’s needs,” she says. “And then having experiences elsewhere enriches the couple,” she believes. In transparency and communication, it goes without saying, specifies the one who defines herself here as an “ethical non-monogamist.”
This is precisely why she discussed all this with her (now adult) children. “I wanted to show them that we are responsible for meeting our needs, that we are responsible for our own happiness. We can’t give that responsibility to someone else…”
This is also precisely why she left the father of her children, one guesses. “The fear of loneliness after a separation is legitimate,” she confirms, as if she were suddenly addressing an audience stuck in a relationship out of habit, fear of change, or both. “But from the moment you take action to meet your needs and desires, there is no more loneliness. But you have to dare. You have to have that first coffee. You have to make that profile on the dating site. And it’s not relaxing.”
What does it take, let’s say? “Self-confidence,” she concludes with a smile. “It’s not necessary to be a pin-up, you see, I don’t meet the beauty criteria. But… I’m willing.” “If there is only one thing to remember from her story, she adds, it is this: “Dare!”
* Fictitious first name, to protect anonymity
Please note that the section is on hiatus for the entire month of August, and will be back at the beginning of September. Happy holidays!