Posted at 5:00 p.m.
Failing success with women, he turned to men. And even if it’s “definitely” better with the first ones, he nevertheless considers himself to be bi. Interview with a bi out of spite.
Guillaume*, sixty-year-old with an intellectual air, behind his beard and his glasses, arranged to meet us for a chilly afternoon in a library, after long weeks of heat waves, to tell us about the complexity of his reality.
It takes us a good hour to figure it out. It must be said that he speaks little of his or rather his orientations. “Does the world need to know? […] It’s not a topic of conversation. It’s my private life. “Bisexuality also came to him rather “lately” (“rather late”), he insists, delivering here what he nicely calls his “portrait of another color in the spectrum”.
“I had a very normal adolescence, with a first meeting, first emotions, with a young woman, around 16 years old. No, he doesn’t have sex with her. “I wasn’t ready. I have moral principles, I come from a traditional family”, justifies our man in a soft voice, at times downright whispered, despite the discretion of our meeting room.
It was a few years later, at Cégep, that he had his first experiences, with another lover of the moment.
In my thought pattern, at that time, I had to be in love. I wouldn’t have had fun exploring sexually with a person.
Guillaume, early sixties
If the relationship is “very correct” and lasts a year, he puts an end to it to continue his university studies in another city. The low ? “I was a student studying! “, he sums up, laughing. In a word, yes, “a little silly, the guy, it’s clear, he realizes. I should have taken advantage. But I wasn’t in there. »
Freshly arrived on the job market, it strikes him: “Oops, where are the girls? At work, they are married ladies! » He comes out a bit, « but it doesn’t [lui] doesn’t look like”, tries to meet, but he is “an introverted guy”, in short “it doesn’t work”. Until the day when, at the beginning of the thirties, Guillaume decided to “force destiny” and signed up for “dinner meetings” (the ancestor of the speed dating !).
There, he actually meets a few women, with whom he has a few affairs. And ? ” It’s good ! Yes, yes, it’s mutually beneficial, I’m a patient person. A woman’s pleasure is half of mine. I manage so that Madame is served before me! “, he illustrates modestly.
He ends up in doing so by falling on the mother of his child. A story that lasts more than ten years, but where the fulfillment is not exactly there, let’s say. “The first three years, we slept together. Then we went to a separate room…” That gives you an idea of the portrait.
You are spared the “total fusion” of the lady with the child, and the feeling of the gentleman being here “packed down”, to arrive at their separation. Guillaume was then 50 years old.
There, my moral barrier jumped. It’s starting to…
Guillaume, early sixties
After almost ten years of abstinence (“you can satisfy yourself personally, but there comes a time when you need stimuli!”), he decides here to “explore”. How ? “I’m going to pay for a service,” he said to himself. Guillaume first tries on the side of the escorts, but the experience is not conclusive. “We’re not allowed to kiss, so it’s just genitalia. And that doesn’t suit him. No, Guillaume needs more sensuality, so he turns to a massage parlour. “I wanted to be touched! “, he repeats, after years of deficiency on this side.
And it is quite naturally towards a gay spa that he turns, question of proximity (it cannot be invented) and of “security”, he specifies: “Nothing can happen to other than a massage, he told himself. I felt protected. »
Because yes, he is nervous. Archinervous. ” I Shakais ! But everything turns out for the best in the end. And more. “It went very well,” confirms Guillaume, with a knowing air. The proof: the “masseur” then sees him again at home, for a free service, for almost a year. “We had a great reciprocity. […] And that was my business: I have sex, but it’s clear that I’m not going to fall in love. For me, it is clear in my head. »
But there is a catch. It’s because our Guillaume “needs” penetration, he confides, at this precise moment of the interview. It is visceral. Non-negotiable. However, with a man, it is “complicated”. It requires a long preparation, and it is rarely fully satisfactory. In any case, less than with a woman, we understand. So he “relives” as he says, in his quest for a life partner, and registers on a dating site. The adventure is inconclusive (“relationships are complicated!”), and now Guillaume “relives” again.
You see ? I try on one side, it doesn’t work, I go on the other! There, at least, I know I’m going to have sex!
Guillaume, early sixties
“That’s really what happens. On the guys side, it’s simple, but it’s fucking. »
He thus “fucks” (precision: still here without penetration) a number of men (“I can’t count them”) until he meets his “regular”, whom he has seen occasionally for ten years. .
Since then, Guillaume has dated two women. “Because I eventually want to be in a romantic relationship with a woman!” he insists. I definitely like it better with women. […] I like the affective relationship with women, whereas with men, these are occasional pleasures. […] With men, pleasure is very stealthy. With women, it’s pleasant, it lasts. […] It’s much more satisfying […]. The sexual relationship can last for hours, there is a shared pleasure that lasts over time. ” Men ? “It’s to fill a void…”, he concludes by letting go: “if I really had been filled with a woman, I wouldn’t be here…”
* Fictitious first name, to ensure anonymity.