She was deceived. But she also cheated. Lived both sides. So she knows it: there are a thousand facets to infidelity and as many stories to tell. Here is his.
“I know it’s not right,” repeats Nathalie, sitting in front of a double espresso, on a sunny terrace in Outremont, quite recently. “But it’s not one-dimensional. […] And me, I knew all the facets: I was cheated, I cheated, and I was the mistress…”
With her long brown hair and lively gaze, Nathalie looks like a strong woman. Determined. A go-getter, what. However, she drooled. Here: her very first lover, a “teenage love, with a passionate teenage sexuality”, died tragically, after 10 years of living together. She wasn’t 30 when her house of cards collapsed.
“The whole story of my life was written,” she recalls. We had a house, a child, we thought maybe we had another one. Everything had to be rewritten…” She does not expand on the subject, but confirms: “I found it hard. »
After this mourning, she dates a second man for a few years, a friend of a friend with whom she has a second child. “He was a really good guy, he was super good, he brought me a nice balance,” she sums up. In bed ? “Correct, but he was more of a friend,” she adds. I don’t remember any great antics. Me, I prefer something more passionate…”
Besides, she cheated on him.
But I didn’t mean to deceive to deceive.
Natalie
The lover in question, a work colleague (“handsome, tall, he smelled good”), is also “committed”. “I want this to lead to something,” she told him. And after a few months of “flirts” and other “on the sly” antics, at dinnertime, they both leave their respective spouses to make a middle way.
How long did their story last? Fifteen long years.
“I knew it wasn’t right, but I wasn’t happy, life is short,” Nathalie said of her deception. I didn’t want to wall myself in a relationship that didn’t suit me. Or who no longer suited him.
And with the lover, now a husband, in a large blended family? “The first years were very good. We had a lot of spontaneity, a lot of love. We tried a lot of things,” she says, mentioning toys, positions and all kinds of erotic activities. “For me, sex is super important, it’s a way of communicating. Kissing too is super important, it expresses a lot, these gestures are important, ”she slips here. We will understand later why.
And then ? And then Mr. had health problems, combined with erectile problems. “I asked myself questions,” she recalls. Is it my fault? Am I not sexy enough? It was difficult to discuss it, and I understand. “Except that as a bonus, Mr. has become” morose “, stupid with her, all smiles with the others. They had no more intimacy, and Nathalie ended up having an affair with another colleague. The affair did not last, and Nathalie began to doubt… her own husband. You follow ? “He traveled a lot, she remembers, and we no longer had any sexuality. And now, while rummaging through her phone, she discovers lots of profiles on lots of dating apps. A sprawling double life. “It was so big, it hurts my heart. […] It had been years! […] He cheated on me assiduously! […] Yes, I cheated on him too, she concedes. A few months it was fun, but I stopped! »
His sense of betrayal is palpable.
With his health problems and erectile problems, he was capable with others, but not me?
Natalie
Still, at the end of the quarantine (let’s summarize), Nathalie confronts him. Then leaves him. New dizziness. After all these years, she “felt liberated,” she says. “I decided to find myself. Who am I ? What do I like to do? »
She in turn subscribes to a site, but above all does not want to commit. “I had given enough, I had a taste for freedom. And it’s about Ashley Madison (with the revealing extramarital tagline: Life is short, have an affair, Life is short, live an adventure) that she finds her happiness. “I don’t want to one nightshe says, but friends with benefits […] And I want to understand why people do that. »
She ends up meeting two men, with whom she is friends to this day. And yes, she understood. “What they’re looking for is intimacy, not just sex,” she explains. They want to stick together, chat. […] These hugs, caresses, taking care of each other, communication, that’s what many couples lack…” Here we are. Her eyes suddenly fill with tears. “If I had known that, I might not be here! […] What can I do to stop this from happening to me? I still have this fear…”
We understand that his wounds have not yet healed, but that they are slowly healing. “These two guys really helped me, confirms Nathalie, speaking of her two lovers. You know, when your husband flirts with lots of women, you think you’re ugly. These two guys made me feel beautiful and desirable. »
We can’t help it: does she feel guilty for being the mistress in turn? “Yes and no, it’s hard to explain. I know it’s not right, at the same time I’m single […] and they brought me a lot. They gave me my confidence back! »
As proof: since then, Nathalie has tried a lot of things: debauchery (with two couples, “but I wouldn’t do it again”), seeing a friend, then another, and she finally wonders if she’s going to dare to commit again.
“I now understand better certain facets of the couple. These small daily gestures that give pleasure. Guys also find it important, ”she knows now. And she has no intention of forgetting him.
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity