Behind the door | Advice from a married man

La Presse offers you a testimony every week which aims to illustrate what really happens behind the bedroom door, in privacy, far, far from statistics and standards. Today: Marcel*, 80 years old



Marcel is 80 years old. He has been married for more than 50 years, proud of it and above all of never having separated, even if there was no shortage of opportunities. Story of a man today “happy as a pope”, who wishes here to offer some great and unexpected life lessons.

“I have a goal,” he wrote to us this summer, after having procrastinated for a long time: to make myself useful to married men aged 60 and over. »

This is a noble project, which obviously appealed to us. Sitting in front of an anonymous café in the Plateau, our man, surprisingly lively and quite entertaining, thank you, does not hide his joy in telling his story. His memory is astonishing.

He begins with his first theoretical readings as a teenager, then these words from a certain doctor Lionel Gendron, and this priceless advice, which he still remembers: “after love, don’t smoke a cigarette, but prepare the time next ! », he paraphrases, visibly marked. “Prepare for next time!” »

Let’s move on from his first girlfriend, his “obsession with not making a woman pregnant”, to his first adventures, in his early twenties, traveling abroad. No, it’s not famous, Marcel concedes in all humility: “I had no experience, I was a premature ejaculator! » But he does not let himself be defeated. Back home: “it’s the Quiet Revolution. I’m going hunting! »

Finally, a “good thing” arrives, as he says: a meeting with a certain “taxi driver”, who puts him in contact with a particular network of women. “Fifteen dollars an hour back then! », he remembers, undoubtedly telling us about his very first fellatio. ” Heaven ! » No, the illegality of the affair does not raise eyebrows. “My only concern was my financial means! » It must be said that the adventure was a revelation: “I could be sexually satisfied without being in love! »

Without transition, Marcel continues with the meeting of his “wife”, in his late twenties, a real “love at first sight”, it is his “physical ideal”, and what’s more “intellectual”. As proof: Madame has more books at home than he does, he marvels.

“We’re dating, I’m happy, things are going well, I’m in love. ” That’s not all. From the outset, he told her: “I don’t believe in sexual exclusivity. » We know, he doesn’t have much experience yet. “And she noticed!” he confirms, laughing. But… I have intentions! »

I’m a sixty-eighter!

Marcel, 80 years old

Believe it or not, Madame answers him this: “I know what a man is, I accept it. » If it’s reciprocal? “Certainly,” Marcel nods, “but she never jumped the fence, much to my regret. »

The children quickly arrive, who take up a large space, sorry, a “huge space”. Then ? “I’m meeting my taxi driver,” smiles our Marcel, jumping here from one story to another, and losing us a little in his story. One woman introduces him to anal sex, a second treats him a bit like a “man object”, in short, he finally multiplies the experiences. If his wife knows? More or less. In fact, at that time, at the start of their family life, early thirties, so, “intellectually, it’s wonderful”, but sexually, it’s less so, we understand. “But we consult,” he said. Madame criticizes him for certain “clumsiness”, he recounts various fantasies. She ends up suggesting he meet other women, and they even discuss swinging. “She is quite open-minded,” he congratulates himself. But a certain new disease is cooling us considerably…”

In short: “we don’t make love often,” he repeats. If he is unhappy? “It’s a big word. I have a lot of intellectual compensation. […] It may be difficult to understand […] she is so smart! […] All in all, I made the right choice! »

Still, the years pass, but his words remain. Still without transition, he adds:

I remember her permissibilityand I try to put it into practice!

Marcel, 80 years old

Marcel is 50 years old and he finds this “trick”: the classified ads in The Press then in The duty ! “Married man seeks married woman for letter exchange,” he publishes. Just imagine: the exchanges last weeks, sometimes months, before leading, sometimes, sometimes not, to a meeting.

While traveling abroad for work, he does the same thing in a local magazine, supposedly to exchange and learn a new language. And obviously, it works. “I get tons of responses from women!” », he smiles, not a little proud. Over time, goodbye to letters, welcome to the internet, and meetings accelerate. Without warning, our Marcel suddenly tells us about his very first simultaneous orgasm (“really extraordinary”), then his beginnings in the BDSM world, always with women abroad. “We had fun,” he remembers, “I experienced sensations! »

What if he tells his wife about it? dare we. “No,” he said, “but she guesses.” » As proof, when he returns from his trip, she actually offers him condoms. “And then my wife noticed something,” he adds. She said to him: “You don’t make love to me the same way!” You make love to me better! » What, “better”? No doubt more slowly, Marcel now takes his time, and everything lasts much longer.

However, over the years, his wife’s famous “open-mindedness” came to an end. “She becomes less tolerant. » Marcel nevertheless continues, without much scruple: “I’m going to get what I don’t have at home”, he justifies. He even experiences the strongest orgasms of his life. Unsurprisingly, here he ends up falling in love, and also comes close to separating.

“But I realized that separating from my wife also meant separating me from my children. Absolutely,” he declares solemnly. And he wouldn’t have forgiven himself for that. So he told her everything. “She told me no, we’re staying together, you’re not going to regret it. »

Besides, yes, their sexuality has “resumed”, he says. “But I understood that my wife was not sexual. She was a strong woman, period. »

This is how Marcel ends up, around the age of 70, and after one or two umpteenth adventures, by calming down. “Orgasms are all well and good,” he notes, “but they don’t last!” […] And then, I realized that a couple is more than sexuality! There is something else ! […] We talk, we go to the theater, we see shows, we read books, we meet interesting people, we exchange! »

But his advice to married men lies elsewhere. Knowing all this and aware of his needs: “masturbate as much as possible!” », he concludes, not without surprising us a bit. This is what Marcel does now.

* Fictitious name, to preserve anonymity


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