Posted at 4:00 p.m.
Malcolm is “Black”. Of Haitian origin, raised by a single mother, he was inculcated very early on that to succeed, he would always have to do “more”. More at school, more at work, and more with the girls too. A philosophy that guided his life. And obviously not too badly served.
“When you’re Black, you’re brought up with this mentality that you’ll always have to do a little more,” explains the young man. You don’t want to be a good boyfriend, you want to be the best boyfriend. I don’t wanna be good in bed, I wanna be the best you’ll ever have! “, he declares in a great burst of laughter.
At the beginning of his thirties, the young and talkative “Black” (as he says and repeats), today a computer scientist by profession, reveals himself without filter and in a good mood, despite the small hour of the day. It’s barely 7:30 a.m., but on camera, virtual interview requires (thank you, COVID-19), Malcolm threads the anecdotes with obvious pleasure.
His first sexual experience? With an online “match”, around his 17th birthday. “On pouchon.com,” he recalls. It was a Haitian who had created this, in Creole, pouchon, that means… person of extreme beauty! Lots of people in the Haitian community will know that! »
And then ? ” Bad ! exclaims our exuberant interlocutor. Like everyone else, ex-tremely bad! »
He stayed in a relationship with the girl for a month. “And then, I went around his circle, if I can put it that way…” How? We have to put ourselves in context, we understand. He was 17 years old. The evenings followed one another. “I’m trying to find a term that isn’t going to sound too misogynistic, too splitting,” he smiles. It’s because we arrived as conquerors at each party! »
At 17, 18, what are you here for? You are here to have fun!
Malcolm
Laughter again.
However, he was not so “cracking” at the time. In fact, Malcolm even had some complexes. Smaller than the others, without a facial hair, let’s just say he wasn’t the most confident of the gang. What helped him? “I was young and very dumb! ” But still ? With his friends, he says, he “chills” in shopping malls. “And we give ourselves challenges. Who am I to turn down a challenge? His: find the best technique to flirt with a girl. He rushes, approaches the pretty girls of the Eaton Center by asking them the question outright. “It gave me the ear to know the desires of the woman! “, he says, not a little proud. Better: he started the conversation with several, collected a few numbers, even had some “conquered” (sic).
At the same time, Malcolm also worked in a convenience store. “I was reading men’s magazines: Playboy, pinnacle, etc. It’s boring ! exclaims our man. You don’t get to know a woman! Then I started to read Cosmopolitan ! His face lights up: it is indeed there that he learns the importance of kissing, the value of foreplay, and especially the position of the G-spot. Cosmopolitan from top to bottom! »
All in all, Malcolm must have slept with a hundred girls. At parties, in the bathroom, at home, outside (!). On the other hand, he tells us, he only liked a handful of them.
The first was around his 23rd birthday. Their affair lasted three years. “My longest relationship ever. And certainly the most significant. “She was studying psychology, he explains, it’s a bit thanks to her if I managed to say: I am able to go to university. Which he did, some time later.
In bed ? “Magic, wow. » Without going into details, he slips here that he has often « hurt » the girls. Despite himself, by his generous anatomy, we understand. Well, not to her. Never. “She took everything as if it were her last meal! »
Except that he realizes it today: she may have been too good to him. And he suddenly gained a little too much confidence. “The problem with a good dose of confidence, he summarizes, is that I cheated on her. In a club, with friends, and not just once either. The alcohol ?
No, blaming drunkenness is weak and pathetic. I did it because I had experiences to live.
Malcolm
True, but he regretted them.
All? Except one: one trip at three. “Ah no, he declares, with another great burst of laughter! That, I absolutely do not regret! That’s something I wish for everyone! »
Still, they ended up leaving, and instead of “digesting” his pain (“it was a woman to marry!”), Malcolm “launched into the antics”, as he says. “Yes, at that time, I was a whore,” he says, laughing even harder, with his eternal levity. “It’s not a term reserved for women! I’m not a misogynist, I was a whore! »
More seriously, he goes on, he ends up making a new girlfriend, the story lasts a few months, and the breakup is again a “mass blow”. “I don’t eat, I digest my emotions, I drink to the extreme…”
A therapy later, Malcolm decides to leave to see elsewhere if he is there, and leaves for three weeks in Europe. And there, he spoils himself: “In each city, I kissed a girl, he giggles, and in each country, I slept with a different girl. Thank you hostels, nightclubs and other Tinders. He also does a bit of education.
“And if you knew the number of girls who told me that they had never slept with a Black man before me! »
Yes, there are cultural differences. But can we focus on what looks like us? At the end of the day, we are compatible!
Malcolm
And then came the pandemic, and like everyone else, Malcolm did some “recycling,” a bit of Tinder here, and some introspection there. “It no longer tempts me to give as much, to cruise as much as before, he notes. Now I want quality. »
At 31 years old, Malcolm is therefore single “by choice”. Now accomplished, with a career, a condo and a car, he would like to start a family. But above all, he has a few lessons of seduction to share: “You have to live your experiences in life, he believes, every woman will teach you something in life. “But not just anyhow. It may not have been obvious during his story, but he insists here heavily: “Every girl, even if it’s just for sex, I will always treat her with respect. The important thing is respect! […] Me, I’m happy, my mother raised me well! »
As proof, he adds: “I want you to write it down! What do you like better: sleeping with a girl who won’t remember you, or not sleeping with a girl who remembers you five years later? ” To meditate…
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity