Posted at 4:00 p.m.
It’s a swinging story. And then love. One that ends badly, the other rather well. Depending on where you stand. Here is the “taboo” one, although assumed, by Stéphane*.
“We decided to write to you, because it is a taboo in this community. We are not supposed to develop feelings of love in these activities, but what do we do when the chemistry works? »
What to do when feelings come to confuse the cards, in a game where the rules are a priori clearly established? Holy question, indeed. Never, unless I am mistaken, to date asked here. Stéphane, 46, wrote to us earlier this spring, to lift the veil on this “taboo” scenario, which happened to him against all odds. Even against his own wishes.
But let’s start at the beginning. With a soft voice, and in complete transparency, Stéphane welcomes us to his pretty house in Verdun to tell his story. Quietly and straightforwardly, he answers our questions. His discovery of sexuality? All that is more “normal”, around 16 years old, “without anything weird or crazy”, he takes the trouble to specify. We understand that interest in swinging came later.
After a few “one nights”, “always with one girl”, “never anything in a group, never, never”, he specifies again, Stéphane meets his first girlfriend, around 18, with whom he spends eight year. In bed ? “Dead,” he said, grimacing. ” Completely. “He does not pour out on the subject, but we understand that the relationship was rather unhealthy. And that he came out “destroyed”.
If he cheated on her? “No, no, no,” replies Stéphane. I am a very loyal person. »
He spent the next two years alone, before meeting, at the turn of his thirties, his ex-spouse, with whom he spent another ten years. In bed ? “Day and night,” he smiled this time. Everything I had never had. And I had a lot. Here we are.
Why not ?
Quickly, Madame actually opens the door to partner-swapping. It must be said that she had more experience than him, having experimented on the side of “threesomes” already. ” Why not ? Stephane thought to himself. Me, as a man, it excited me. But she wanted to try with couples. So we registered on a site. »
For several years, they meet different couples in this way. Sometimes once. Sometimes repeatedly. “According to the chemistry”, explains our interlocutor. “And we were always the four of us in the same room. »
What turned him on? “To see another world,” he replies. Make love with another woman, discover a body for the first time, kiss…”
Of note, he continues, “it was going really well with my ex. Yes Yes Yes ! Really well, until it wasn’t so well? “Until we meet this other couple, after eight years…”
With “this other couple”, as he says, the chemistry was special. More than special, in fact. “We had common interests, we found each other beautiful. So much so that they began to see each other often. More and more. “Even three times in one week…”
And yes, it all played in his head. Or in the guts. Hard to explain. From a purely sexual relationship, the relationship between Stéphane and the other girl, let’s call her Stéphanie, has become sentimental. “I was very interested in her,” he says. Clearly, I wanted more than sex, but I wasn’t able to verbalize it. »
I ended up texting her: I want to be alone with you.
Stephane, 46 years old
How to explain this “chemistry” felt here? By “forced intimacy”, Stéphane firmly believes. “The first time I saw her, I didn’t fall in love,” he explains. At all, at all, at all. I found her pretty, nothing more. But by dint of creating this intimacy…” Something happened. “We were stuck all the time. There was a lot of tenderness towards each other which greatly alarmed our ex-spouses. “For good reason:” in swinging, he explains, it’s recreational sex, often very show-off. But not here. In any case, not for Stéphane and Stéphanie. “With her, it was very tender. I was making love. […] We kissed all the time. All the time. Worse all the time…”
What are we doing ?
So he ended up realizing it. And in doing so, sat down with his ex (“I’m a loyal guy”, he repeats) to explain to him the extent of the damage: “we love each other, what do we do ? ” Reaction ? “She freaked out…”
I’ve never felt that kind of love. Always want to be with each other. When everything else interests you. Find her more and more beautiful. We never spent enough time together. I always found that the other two were too much…
Stephane
And no, he never felt guilty here. You have to put yourself in context: swinging requires, her ex was not left behind. “She took her pleasure, he argues. For her part, the sex was very intense! »
Nevertheless. The situation has become so critical that the two couples, by mutual agreement, have decided not to see each other again. “To respect our respective spouses. »
Radio silence for a year.
Balance sheet? Stéphane made a depression of it. “I drank a lot of alcohol, and my couple started to deteriorate. But Stéphane refused to believe it. “Me, in my head, I had the perfect life. A nice house, a nice job, a blonde that I love. In my head, I was there for 30 years! »
Of course, the story does not end there. A year and a half later, Stéphane and Stéphanie see each other again. “I naively thought we could be friends. But reality catches up with him. Almost instantly. “I was so happy to see her. I found her beautiful. I felt… like at home! A shared feeling, you guessed it. And now impossible to deny.
We’ll spare you the details, but a few months later, and after a painful separation, including broken dishes, the two lovers moved in together. It was five years ago. It almost seems too good to be true, but yes, they’ve been happily ever since. “I thought it was going to calm down, but absolutely not. It’s incredible. We do it often, and it’s fun! […] If everyone had that in their life, there would be fewer wars! “Stephane radiates. “I met a wonderful woman! »
And swinging, in all this? “I don’t have the taste anymore,” concludes our man, shaking his head. Without denying anything of what he lived, on the contrary. If he had to do it again, he would do it again. He’s just not there anymore. “I don’t know if it’s age. Or because I’m good? I don’t know…” If the opportunity presented itself? Neither yes nor no. ” We’ll see… ”
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity