Posted at 5:00 p.m.
He was preparing for the worst. But the worst did not happen. On the contrary. Story of a coming out anything but suffering. Downright happy. Because it can.
Mathieu, 26, wrote to us last December, following the publication of a coming out “bitter”, which, we remember, made more than one react. The man in question, a certain Mickaël, flatly invited men like him to “stay in the closet”, so he regretted his exit.
“I have just read this story and it saddens me deeply…”, wrote Mathieu spontaneously, the day after publication. A long river-message, life story literally at the “antipodes” of that of Mickaël. So we obviously wanted to meet him, to hear his story.
“I found it infinitely sad,” tells us from the outset, and to the camera, the young and friendly teacher, who has recently returned to live in his native region (with his lover, we will come to that). “I had the impression that he was out of step with others, including me…”
Mathieu, meanwhile, made his coming out at 12 years old, in second secondary, precisely. In the region, therefore. “It’s always been in my head,” he said. I knew it. I think it’s something we know. “Except that in primary school, he refused it. “I remember not wanting to be gay, so as not to give reason to those who called me fake…” But be careful, he quips, smiling gently: “My life hasn’t been hell! I wasn’t depressed either! »
And then, in second secondary, therefore, in French lessons, he had to read a series of novels on difference (anorexia, immigration, etc.), in particular a certain Philippe with a capital H (by the author Guillaume Bourgault). “And I identified a lot with the main character,” he recalls. He practiced the same sport as me. And he didn’t want to be gay either…”
It was the trigger: “And I did my coming out around me. First to a good friend (discomfort: she was also secretly in love with him). Reaction? “She didn’t say anything, then she left. It is sure that for a first announcement, it scared me a little! he says, laughing heartily. But there the misadventures ended, if misadventures we can speak of here. “Then I told my circle of friends about it. And it was very well accepted by everyone. Very well accepted, he repeats. And I know that I am privileged in this sense. »
Notice to interested parties:
We often have this prejudice that it is terrible in the region. Me, I would have liked it to be said to me: “You know what? It’s not going to change anything in your life. Because that was it in the end! […] I experienced a kind of fear that was unnecessary!
Matthew
To his parents (“dad, mom, I read a book, I’m gay”), the coming out also passed like butter, and above all in a good mood. “But I know that I am privileged, insists Mathieu again. It’s not like that for everyone…”
And then ? Then nothing. Throughout high school, in fact, it’s dead calm. Peaceful until CEGEP, where, at 19 (and still in the region), Mathieu met his first boyfriend. “And it went very well! We stayed together for a year. »
In bed ? “I had a blockage with anal intercourse for a long time,” Mathieu confides in complete transparency. How? ‘Or’ What ? “I know it’s going to be very woke, he replies, but today, seven, eight years later, for me, it’s a form of internalized homophobia. »
In what ? How? ‘Or’ What ? “It was dirty,” he replies. This idea of the dirty homosexual relationship is a form of self-hatred,” he believes, and he intellectualizes, age, hindsight and experience helping, unlocking included. “But why not live it in a positive way? It is a stigma that has no place to be. »
Parenthesis: in high school, he remembers, Mathieu also took care never, ever, to cross his legs. Goal ? Not “looking” cheerful. It’s also the greatest compliment you could give him at the time: “You’re gay, but you don’t look like it. “What a compliment!” he quips again. It’s part of this same process: this self-hatred, which is partly instilled in us…” End of parenthesis.
Sometimes it goes well
Still, after this first adventure, Mathieu left to study at university in Montreal. “I had a few one-night stands, but never, never, never did I live the gay life,” he says. I lived my university life, in which there were several young gay men. He hardly goes out in the Village either, but rather lives his life as a young student, enrolled in a course here, involved in an association there. “My social life was full. »
At university, there are people from all over, there comes a time when your individual identity becomes more valued. Unlike group membership, like in high school. And it’s conducive to accepting who we are.
Matthew
All this to say that little by little, and without him really realizing it, most naturally in the world, Mathieu overcame (transcended?) his famous “blockage”, with a second lover this time. “And it was natural for it to happen,” he said. It really wasn’t a big deal anymore. Their story also lasts a year.
Towards the end of his studies, a little over two years ago, he met a third man. His current partner. Her husband. The one with whom he left to live at home. Here in the region. In bed ? “Very well,” he smiled again. Very very good. We have ordinary couple challenges. The weight of everyday life. Tiredness. Sometimes uneven libidos. I have the impression that I could be called Thérèse, be 55 years old and have the same challenges! he laughs. And yes, if you want to know everything, they are exclusive.
Moral? “It was important for me to send a message of hope”, concludes Mathieu, alluding, always, to the so “negative” story of Mickaël. “I recognize that previous generations fought for our rights and social acceptability. I reap this, the fruit of these battles. And I’m grateful for that. […] And I would like that for 15-year-olds not to live in fear of being rejected. Sometimes things can go well! »
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity