The Press offers you a weekly testimony that aims to illustrate what really happens behind the bedroom door, in privacy, far, far from statistics and standards. Today: Jean-François*, 59 years old.
Jean-François has been a gay, assertive man for nearly 40 years now. Now, he has just returned to live in his native region. There, almost all of the men encountered are in a relationship, often married, with a woman on top of that.
” Is beyond me ! “, he confides to the camera, distance requires. Late fifties, smiling in spite of everything, he is nonetheless “shocked”, even “troubled” by what he is going through these days, repeatedly moreover.
“In 2023, it troubles me that all these people are living double lives. Most have blondes! Not for one or two years, there, but ten, twenty years! »
For his part, our interlocutor is “out of the wardrobe” at 21 years old. Arriving in Montreal to study, it should be specified. Before, he “played” with a cousin here, a friend there. Yes, in his famous native region, should it be specified again. “Did that influence me? Maybe… ”
He even already had a “blonde” for almost a year, around 17, with whom he had several rapprochements. “If it was the fun ? At this age, everything is fun ! he says, laughing frankly. Nevertheless, he left her for “that”, as he says. What ? His “attraction to guys”.
It is only a few years later, once landed in the metropolis, therefore, that it appears. Why there ? “Because I was there,” he replies quite naturally. His close friends take it rather well, his sister too. His mother ? Less. “She didn’t welcome me with open arms. It took a few years before she knew my first boyfriend… »
His very first experience, he saw it with a guy found in the “classifieds”, as was the custom at the time. He is 22 years old. ” It went very well. It was the fun “, he summarizes. A few years later, he meets his first (and one and only) boyfriend), a story that spans 10 years.
In bed ? ” Alright. »
Like all couples: three years of mad passion, then, it’s something else.
Jean-Francois
We guess in his tone that this “something else” was not “crazy”, precisely. And we guess right. “I left him because it was going badly sexually, confirms Jean-François. It pissed me off. It was always me who initiated. And when I stopped, our sexuality stopped. »
Nevertheless, over time, and the years, he regrets. “It was a mistake, he drops. There is not just that [la sexualité]. […] Maybe it was a whim. I was just 36…”
He doesn’t dwell too much on the subject. At most we will know that through these years, Monsieur has deceived him. And him too. “I took revenge. Nothing serious, that said. “Stories with no future. »
Once single, Jean-François has fun. He meets after meeting, with dozens of men. Probably more than a hundred different ones. Note that so far, the men he meets are all gay, and proud of it.
He rarely goes to saunas, he continues. “I didn’t like the concept. He mainly prioritizes apps. “I was going to a guy like that, whom I had never seen before. It’s a thrill. But all that has had its day. “At some point, it’s boring…”
Around the age of 50, Jean-François enrolled in a top-of-the-range dating agency somewhere in Outremont. “I wanted a boyfriend. Unfortunately, some 40 dates later, it still doesn’t click with anyone.
So he offers some escorts. Why choose to pay? “I was tired. It seems like I was never satisfied,” he explains.
And then, three years ago, he was back in his native region, therefore, for professional reasons. “And there, out of 40 guys we met, 35 are straight or bi-curious! “, he realizes, amazed. Here we are. “And these guys have been in a relationship for a long time!” With children! »
He can’t believe it: men aged 35 to 45, some with an active sex life with their wives, definitely, others less, certainly. They all live a double life.
And then for some, I am not the first!
Jean-Francois
That’s not all. Since last fall, Jean-François has been seeing one in particular, more assiduously. “We see each other every two weeks. Sometimes, twice a week. He has a family. So we talked a lot. »
For good reason: with him, it clicks particularly. ” He likes that ! We had to fun together, he said. Chemistry: I haven’t seen that often! It’s rare to meet someone with whom it clicks so much. It’s obvious. Even if it’s safe, we don’t live together on a daily basis…”
Monsieur had to leave his wife. But he did not do it. And Jean-François wasn’t expecting anything. Or just a little. “We always have a little expectation,” he says, smiling.
Hence his surprise. This verdict. Doubly difficult to digest. “Sometimes I think these men live in another world. I wouldn’t be able to cheat like that, it’s against my principles. What do they do in the evening to say hello to their wife? […] It depresses me a bit. I don’t understand that in 2023, even in the regions – people aren’t innocent here either! –, there are people who do not live their lives. It’s sad. I find them pathetic…”
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity