And then, this change of life?

Do you remember ? Much has been made during the pandemic of all these people who opted for a change of life, more or less radical. Two years later, how are they? Attic ? Disillusioned? Downright disenchanted? Interviews, analyzes and explanations.

Silvia Galipeau
The Press

Exit the city. Place in the countryside. Goodbye routine work, make way for creativity! The pandemic has inspired some to review their priorities, their schedule, downright their way of life. But the leap (into the void) towards happier skies has sometimes been brutal. And the disillusioned tomorrows, if they are not necessarily documented, must certainly have been numerous.

Talk to Marie Bujold, Montrealer by adoption for more than 20 years, who plunged headfirst and on a whim into a return she believed to her roots, in Rimouski, last year. By underestimating how much she had changed over the years, her life in the city, and all the life, precisely, that teems there. “I studied in Rimouski,” she says. But I never planned to go back, because my son, my friends, my network…”

And then came the pandemic. Encabanée in her small accommodation in Rosemont, let’s say that the call of the river was quickly felt. As a bonus, she had just found an old friend there. Old friend who turned into a new lover. So when he offered her last year to come and live with him, at his place, in Rimouski (“and I lived there for 25 years, I love it, I go there two or three times a year!”), Marie Bujold did not hesitate for long. ” Life is short ! she thought to herself. We get along well, why not take advantage of it? »

Why not, indeed ?

Adaptation? Is that despite his 67 years – “in my head, I’m 45 years old!” —, Marie Bujold works (she is an arts management consultant) and above all leads a very active life. She goes out, she does her shopping on foot, she sees lots of people. Except that all his friends over there are now retired. “Everyone was more cautious to see each other, at the show, everyone wore a mask, when we walked, everyone kept their distance…” Two worlds, what.

And all of a sudden, there she is, starting to miss the density, the action, even the traffic jams. ” I swear ! she laughs thinking about it. Coming back to Montreal one weekend, “I was happy to be pushed around on Masson! »

“And this river that I missed so much? Yes, it nourishes, but not as much as friends, my son and my grandchildren…”

Hello “discomfort”.

Still, a year later, exactly, here she moved to… Quebec! Yes, with this famous lover (“we are very, very, very happy!”), a very “beautiful compromise”, as she says, downright “the best of both worlds”, halfway between Rimouski and Montreal. “I’m not taking anything away from Rimouski,” she says. But I have changed, and I had underestimated that. I realized it once there. »

The importance of reflection

Psychologist and speaker Rose-Marie Charest is not surprised by these pandemic disappointments. “It was foreseeable that these changes would not bring 100% satisfaction to everyone. Big changes, like moving, or smaller ones, like those so-called “essential” home purchases, for that matter. The BBC reports on this subject that one in ten people today regret this stationary bike, this bread machine or downright this jacuzzi (or this rabbit?), in which we impulsively invested in a pandemic…

The key word? The reflection. “Because when we make a decision to flee, she continues, we are less in reflection mode. ” And that’s the rub.

“But it would be a shame if people did not dare to change their minds, or do not reconsider their decisions so as not to lose face,” she argues. We do not lose face if we take this experience into account in our next choices. ” How ? Going back to the initial goals of the change, what didn’t fit before, and what doesn’t fit anymore now, she suggests. In short, by reflecting retrospectively.

When reality hits

Moreover, life changes have undoubtedly been more fluid for all these people “in thinking mode” who have been mulling over their projects for a long time, she says. Certainly, but that does not mean that the transitions were necessarily idyllic either. Marika Laforest knows something about it. The 40-year-old (and digital advisor) “more Montrealer than Montrealers”, who had dreamed of buying a chalet for years, finally bought an “ancestral and heritage” house in Saguenay–Lac-Saint-Jean last year ( close to his aging parents). And despite the idyllic images, precisely, with which she floods social networks (a sunburn there, a fire on her land here, the good life on a daily basis), let’s say that her reality was a tad less rosy than it seems. it seems.

“I was overwhelmed by events,” she admits without being asked. Literally overwhelmed by the immensity of her project.

It is that after a honeymoon the first summer (where all his friends came to visit him and enjoy his huge land), the shock was stiff in the fall. “OK, it’s work!” »

And if she “manages” different projects in her professional life, the scale and novelty of the manual task(s) has completely overwhelmed her. Paralyzed. So much so that she ended up consulting. “I realized that by creating idyllic images of this big movethere, I felt compelled to perform my house. Hence the immense pressure felt.

“You’re good, but you’re not so good,” she sums up. Looks like I wanted to be good right away. […] I had personal ambitions with this project. »

Today, if she agrees to ask for help (and even if she curses when a construction contractor promises to call her back, but never calls her back), if she finds that rebuilding a network (family doctor , dentist, hairdresser) is exhausting, and realizes that her loved ones are no longer so much a part of her life (“it’s not because I’m coming back that I’m going to be part of their daily life!”), she doesn’t regret anything. “My quality of life, she lists, my access to nature […], that’s wonderful. »

Moral ? “Everything we do in life is because we have experienced,” continues Rose-Marie Charest. You should never stop experimenting. See life as an experiment! »

The secret to avoiding regret

They quit their job. Dreamed of doing something else. Better. Somewhere else. And today, they regret. Does the famous “Great Resignation” necessarily rhyme with great disappointment?

If we are to believe various polls, the pandemic does not seem to have been too good advice for many. Thus, a survey conducted by the firm Morning Consult on behalf of the Ultimate Kronos Group last December and January (in France, Germany, the Netherlands, the United Kingdom, Mexico and the United States) reveals that two resigning workers out of five regret their decision, 43% say that they were finally better off before, and 41% say that they probably made their decision too quickly.

And that was to be expected. “People think it’s going to be magic, that when you leave, it will be better elsewhere. Sometimes yes, we live a honeymoon, but sometimes we find the same thing! “, points out Josée Landry, president of the Order of guidance counselors of Quebec, who has indeed seen the requests for consultation increase since the pandemic.

Take time

The secret ? “Time,” she replies. Take the time to reflect. Among other dimensions to be analyzed, the counselor suggests evaluating his psychological characteristics (his interests, his personality, his aptitudes), his “baggage” (his knowledge, his experience), and everything related to living conditions ( the economic, family, geographical situation: will a new job upset the balance?).

All this, ideally, in an “optimal” context, in short, not in a situation of crisis, separation, depression, or … pandemic (!), we understand. “From the moment we experience a situation that shakes us, we are not in a good position to make a fully informed decision. We have to take a step back. »

Not easy

This is obviously what Nathalie Elharrar did, who thought about changing her life in the pandemic, but ultimately played it safe. Having always gravitated towards the world of eyeglass frames (as director for the American continent of a box of frames), the young woman juggled with the idea of ​​letting everything go to start making bikinis, a ” passion” born and nurtured during confinement. We also met her at the time to tell her story. “Selling glasses, I’ve been doing this for 20 years…, she said. I’ve been thinking about changing direction for a long time. »

Two years later, if her bikini business is certainly going “super well”, even “better and better” (she even did a collaboration with influencer Maude Lavoie), the adventure turned out to be “harder” than she thought” (in terms of price and competition, “it’s not easy to break into this market!”). Conclusion: she finally did not let go of the glasses. Lucid, she regrets nothing. “It’s my livelihood,” she says. It’s really pecuniary. […] If I had the choice, it is certain that I would like to live from my passion. But it’s not a disaster. […] It allows me to do my passion anyway! And then, she adds, “in life, of course, you have to work! “.