Posted at 1:00 p.m.
Why do we renew our wardrobe and the decor of our house, but not our ideas and our opinions?
The question is very simple, but oh so relevant at a time when debates are divided. The most recent book by American psychologist Adam Grant, The power of flexible thinkingemphasizes the importance of “thinking differently” in all spheres of our lives: as a citizen, as a worker, as a parent or as a lover.
PHOTO JAMEY STILLINGS, FROM FACEBOOK
American psychologist Adam Grant
A source of inspiration for Oprah Winfrey and Bill Gates, Adam Grant is a star of organizational psychology in the United States. We owe him the text of New York Times entitled There’s a Name for the Blah You’re Feeling: It’s Called Languishing. His ensuing TED Talk on the virtues of flow (cognitive engagement) was the second most listened to in 2021.
In his most recent book, he invites us to constantly question ourselves. To consider doubt as an asset. To cultivate a “flexibility of mind” and a “trusting humility”. To think like a scientist.
“We often prioritize feeling right over being right,” he writes. Are the motivations that lead us to argue fair? Do we want to feel that we are right or really to be right? »
At the beginning of our telephone conversation, Adam Grant tells us an anecdote from his youth. When he argued with his best friend over the exact content of a Seinfeld line. “I watched a VHS tape of the episode. I was wrong, but I couldn’t admit it, he says. It drives us all crazy at some point in our lives when someone disagrees with us. »
As a psychologist – and professor at the Wharton School of the University of Pennsylvania – Adam Grant meets the leaders of large companies. In the winter of 2018, he suggested to several bosses to test a program where employees could telecommute on Fridays. “None wanted to try it for fear that employees would procrastinate or for fear of damaging the company culture. For them, it was like opening a Pandora’s box,” he says.
However, he had studies in hand that proved the opposite. This refusal frustrated him and greatly inspired his book The power of flexible thinking (whose title in English is Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know).
humility and curiosity
If the pandemic proved him right with regard to telework, Adam Grant invites us above all to reflect on the tenacity with which we maintain certain opinions. “We constantly seek to justify our previous beliefs in order to heal our ego, protect our image and validate our past decisions,” he writes.
We prefer the comfort of convictions to the discomfort of doubt.
Adam Grant in The power of flexible thinking
Practicing rethinking requires flexibility, but also humility and curiosity, he argues.
The psychologist hates when someone does not know what he is talking about and acts as a stage manager. Conversely, he extols certain benefits of the impostor syndrome. According to him, one must find “the sweet spot of confidence” between the constant feeling of inferiority, debilitating doubt and arrogance to achieve what he calls “confident humility”.
“We misunderstand humility… It’s sometimes seen as a sign of weakness when it’s proof that we are grounded,” he says.
The latter also opposes “competence” and “trust”. Why are we in a culture where looking confident is so valued?
“I would like to be able to answer this question perfectly”, he says on the phone – precisely with humility. “I would say first of all that trust is difficult to measure. I know if a Prime Minister is good at debating, but I don’t know if he is good at conflict resolution. […] We often vote for people who seem confident. Same for a doctor. Am I going to trust a doctor who tells me that the operation may not go as planned or the other who tells me: “Don’t worry, everything will be fine”? »
The political game does not help, he adds. “It is assumed that integrity is illustrated by the continuity of our positions and beliefs. For me, integrity is admitting we were wrong and finally moving in the right direction. »
Taming disagreement
To reshuffle and qualify our ideas, Adam Grant invites us to develop a network of people who do not think like us. And to people who don’t like chicanery and who avoid debate, he extols the virtues of “constructive conflict”. “It is possible to disagree without being disagreeable,” he points out in his book. To remain silent is to not assess the value of your point of view. »
“It’s very practical to have written a book whose title is think again. As soon as I have a disagreement, I say: ‘I think I have to rethink it’”, he jokes.
In his book, he points out that some observers have ignored the experiences of people who voted for Donald Trump for the US presidency for too long. We could draw a parallel with the truckers who demonstrated in Ottawa.
When we disagree with someone, our reflex is to antagonize. People then become defensive and more divided.
Adam Grant
“motivational interviewing”
Rather than hiding behind our opinions, there is a method of communication called “motivational interviewing”.
This is discussed in the chapter entitled “The one who whispered antivax in the ear”, devoted to Arnaud Gagneur, neonatologist at the Center hospitalier de l’Université de Sherbrooke. Adam Grant describes how the Dr Gagneur convinced a mother to have her children vaccinated for measles in a gentle and attentive way.
PHOTO ARCHIVES LA TRIBUNE
Arnaud Gagneur, professor at the Faculty of Medicine and Health Sciences at the University of Sherbrooke Hospital Center
How did he hear about the Dr Winner? “I had a heated discussion with a friend opposed to the vaccine and I regretted not having done motivational interviewing. I then wanted to know if there was a study where it was applied to vaccination and I came across a study by Arnaud in Google Scholar. »
“His work is admirable. And more relevant than ever with COVID. »
To listen to someone who disagrees with us is to offer them attention. He will then be more inclined to listen to us. “You know the feeling you have with someone who is a good listener. His questions make you think of things you had never thought of,” illustrates Adam Grant.
Conclude nothing
Looking back, Adam Grant confesses that he would have liked to devote a chapter to conspiracy theories. Let’s say that the concept of “rethinking” could indeed apply to it…
“I would also like to emphasize that it is the aspects of our life that are the most difficult to rethink that are the most important. It’s easy to rethink which restaurant we go to for dinner. It is less so to rethink our work or our relationship. »
Adam Grant ends his book by saying that he does not want to conclude anything, although his manuscript had to be sent to press. To illustrate the “renewal of thought”, he even included passages from his book that reviewers suggested he remove.
The original version of his book came out a year ago. “I rethought a lot of things,” he says. Especially since people have told me that they have the opposite problem: they think too much and they have difficulty making decisions. »
His answer ? “It’s better to think too much than not enough!” »
Daily advice
In his book, Adam Grant outlines concrete techniques for applying flexible thinking in everyday life. Here is an overview.
Like nobody
According to Adam Grant, we must define our identity in terms of values, not opinions. Viewing our mistakes or wrongs as an opportunity to learn something new. And surround ourselves with people who don’t think like us.
As parent
Even our career plan must be flexible. Why ask a child what he wants to do later? It is as if his destiny and his fulfillment were limited to his work, underlines the author.
At work
He suggests that business owners establish “psychological safety” so that the status quo can be challenged. When employees don’t fear retaliation, they can think out loud and express their ideas freely.
In love
“A successful relationship requires regular questioning,” writes Adam Grant. By being willing to reevaluate our preconceptions about our partner’s personality, we give them the freedom to evolve. »
In politics
In times of crisis as in times of prosperity, we need leaders “who accept uncertainty, recognize their mistakes, learn from others and re-evaluate their strategies”.
Happiness
For Adam Grant, too much pursuit of happiness can cause our lives to feel like they’re never joyful enough. “That’s why I now see happiness less as a goal than as a corollary of the mastery of meaning. »
The future
Finally, he invites us not to fix now where we will be tomorrow. “Our identities, our lives are open systems. Let’s let go of old images – where we want to go, who we want to be – and start reviewing our options by simply asking ourselves what we do every day. »
The power of flexible thinking
Adam Grant
Editions de l’Homme
352 pages