When Karine* thinks back to the day when her ex-spouse threw the first object that came to hand in her direction, because, in bed, she had asked him to turn off the light, she says to herself that he acts from the moment this man’s control over her began.
The object did not hit her. But she describes what followed as an agonizing spiral, which she agreed to tell the To have to.
From her home, with her newborn baby in her arms, the neat-looking woman explains how the emotional abuse she says she has suffered has damaged her as much as others would have been punched — otherwise more.
Karine reports that she is no longer able to concentrate. She has insomnia and panic attacks. She is currently on disability leave, having been diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder and generalized anxiety.
For all that she says she has suffered, she has decided to claim moral and punitive damages from her ex-spouse, and father of her first child – a rare request of its kind.
Karine’s claims for the damages lawsuit have not yet been argued or proven in court. In a procedure filed with the Court, her ex-spouse writes that it is she who is aggressive and at the origin of the conflicts.
” A fairy tale “
However, 10 years ago, Karine thought she had met the man of her life, the one who would be the father of her future children. He showered her with little attentions and “loved everything she loved.” “Like in a fairy tale. »
Then, she proposes a trip of which she dreamed, to take lessons. To his great surprise, he opposes it: he doesn’t want to know anything about “his project”.
He will finally agree to accompany her, but “he made me pay for it”, she says. He tells her she’s stupid because she didn’t reserve the seats on the plane; he asks her to change before going out because he doesn’t like her dress. One evening, at the restaurant, he showers her with insults, calls her a “bitch” and storms off, she says.
Back home, Karine has fears for the future, but discovers that she is pregnant. His dream. She stays.
The situation is deteriorating, she says. One evening, intoxicated, he explodes with anger and shatters his memories of the trip. He admitted these facts in court. The police report also mentions furniture thrown against the walls.
After the child is born, he calls her incapable because she cannot breastfeed. When she criticizes, “he [lui] Ask if [elle a] taken [ses] antidepressants”, to discredit her remarks, she gives as an example.
“He spoke to me without respect and with contempt. She adds that it didn’t stop when she left him. “The violence that has destroyed me the most is post-separation violence,” including the ex-spouse’s use of the courts to pursue control (by filing multiple claims) and serve their child, for example by preventing their telephone conversations, she says. She claims that over the years he pushed her on more than one occasion.
Fear of not being believed
“It’s hard to tell. I’m afraid of not being taken seriously. Each incident taken individually may not seem very serious to others, but the accumulation over years is exhausting and shattering, she explains. She says she has become fearful and hypervigilant: “We know something is going to happen, but we don’t know what. »
During the divorce hearing, she did not discuss domestic abuse or her mental state. She explains that her lawyer feared that this would turn against her. She has since had this fear: if she goes to seek help and admits her psychological distress, will custody of her child be taken away from her? Karine says she fears a system where she has not always been believed.
With her action for damages, she wants to obtain compensation for what she suffered, in particular the anguish, the suffering, the indebtedness for the legal proceedings and her “lost years with her child”.
*A fictitious first name is used to protect the identity of the woman testifying.