Parental alienation can hurt, but also be expensive: in a recent judgment that would be a first in Quebec, a man was ordered to pay $30,000 to his ex-spouse, because he is held responsible for having contributed to destroying the mother-child relationship.
The decision, handed down at the end of April, is a precedent that worries experts in family law.
In this case, the parents, with an age difference of more than 30 years, separated in the early 2000s. For their two-year-old child, a “parental project” was drawn up: it was agreed that he would live mainly with his father during his elementary school years (and with his mother on weekends when she finished her studies), the situation being reversed for secondary school when the father would be over 70 years old .
But their educational methods were not the same. “Not tied down,” writes Superior Court Judge Élise Poisson.
From the last year of primary school, the child “adopts a behavior of opposition that is more and more sustained with regard to the living environment established by Madame. He argues, questions, confronts and refuses to respect the instructions in place”, is it written in the decision.
Crossing the course leading him to secondary school, the young person then experienced many changes: he had to go and live with his mother, in a different city, with his other child and those of his spouse. He expresses a desire to stay with his father and maintain his ties with his friends. The parents, however, keep the focus on the “parental project”, believing that it is in their best interest.
But the relationship deteriorates with the mother. Then aged 15, he decides to go live with his father and breaks his contact with her – and still to this day.
Father’s fault
The mother believes that the removal of the child is the result of alienating behavior on the part of her ex-spouse and is claiming damages of $125,000. Monsieur contests: he argues that she alone is responsible for the severance of ties with her son.
Judge Poisson agrees with the mother. She writes to note the presence of several facts demonstrating the existence of parental alienation caused by Mr. She notes various examples, including the following: one day, the mother sends her son “to reflect in his room”: he calls his father who dispatches the police to check whether the safety of the child is “compromised”. He shares his own frustrations about his ex-wife with his son and tells him that his mother is preventing them from going on vacation while he refuses to pay his share of the passport.
“Through his actions, Monsieur allies himself with X (the child) and teams up with him. He becomes her protector against the exercise, by Madame, of her parental authority. Monsieur never teams up with Madame to reframe X. He takes it for granted that she is at fault and that X requires her protection”. It feeds his resentment towards his mother, writes the magistrate.
According to her, a “reasonable person” would have sought solutions to preserve the mother-child bond. However, when she tries to mend the relationship by seeking the help of various specialists, Monsieur undermines these attempts by refusing to participate. It “caused a conflict of loyalty leading to the severing of the ties between Madame and the child. »
It is not, however, a “pure case” of parental alienation, since the mother adopted, on certain occasions, “a rigid behavior and used questionable disciplinary measures”, can we also read in the decision. . “In doing so, she contributed to the distancing of the child” — but not to the total breakdown of the relationship.
The judge awards financial compensation in the amount of $30,000, with interest.
“It’s a loss for Madame,” said his lawyer, Me Bernard Côté, when asked about his client’s motivations to seek compensation. He did not want to comment further, since the appeal deadline has not yet expired, but insisted on recalling that parental alienation is a “very complex and very misunderstood concept. The father’s lawyer did not answer questions from Le Devoir.
A slippery slope?
The judgment awarding a sum of money as compensation for parental alienation surprised Me Sylvie Schirm, an experienced family law lawyer.
” I have never seen that “.
Parental alienation is often invoked in contested child custody cases, or even forfeiture of parental authority, but not to award damages.
In the present case, Me Schirm is also surprised by the judge’s conclusions since no expert report has been filed to declare that there has indeed been parental alienation and to explain the impact on the child. The mother had requested a psychosocial expertise but the youngster had not wanted to take part in a meeting with her and the expert, preventing it from being completed.
In addition, the judge seems to dismiss the difficulties the boy had with his mother: “as if the conflict only exists because of the father”. However, a teenager in conflict with one of his parents, “this is not the first, nor the last”, she commented.
The lawyer believes that this judgment can open the door to all sorts of remedies “because there will always be an injured parent. »
As for Me Suzanne Zaccour, doctoral student at the University of Oxford who taught family law, she is also worried about the door opened by the decision.
Parental alienation is an argument often invoked by violent men against their spouse to obtain custody of the children, she explains at the outset. If this is the first time that she has seen a judgment awarding damages , she anticipates — and worries — that it will be these violent men who will invoke her, and that mothers will pay the price.
Victims of domestic violence do not even dare to denounce it in Family Court to avoid being accused of being alienating, because to say that the father is violent is to “denigrate” him, said the researcher whose work focuses on on sexual and conjugal violence and parental alienation.
Me Zaccour explains that it is very common for one parent to denigrate the other in families “with a high level of conflict”. But it is rare, according to her work, that this alienation – a controversial theory, she says – has a real impact on the child. Other reasons can explain the rejection of a parent, she specifies: “there is often a set of factors”.