Jean-Marie Lapointe knew quite early on that he was going to write a book about his father’s last moments. It must be said that Jean Lapointe’s son has been supporting end-of-life children for more than 20 years. He encountered death closely and often. Except that this time, it was his father… “Even if I have some experience,” he said, “when it’s your father, you lose your means. »
From August 2020 – when Jean Lapointe’s health began to decline – until his death in November 2022, the son carefully noted everything he saw and felt. He even recorded their conversations, sometimes serious, sometimes funny. “I wanted to be really respectful of what I was going through, of my vulnerability of realizing that Dad was leaving,” he emphasizes.
The story of Jean-Marie Lapointe (Our last trippublished by Éditions Libre Expression) is interspersed with discussions with Johanne de Montigny – a great specialist in mourning and friend of the author – as well as two texts by Robin Aubert (who worked with Jean Lapointe) and Anne Elizabeth Lapointe (daughter of Jean).
“With this book, I wanted to offer a friend, a confidant, reference points for those who don’t have any,” Jean-Marie confides to me. I wish it would give comfort. I wrote it with compassion, but it is also a therapeutic exercise. »
In the privacy of the father
Of course, there is an additional interest in Jean-Marie Lapointe’s book: his father was a man well known and loved by the public, whose curiosity will undoubtedly be piqued. Was he afraid of arousing a certain voyeurism by writing about sometimes very intimate moments in his father’s life?
PHOTO MARCO CAMPANOZZI, THE PRESS
Jean-Marie Lapointe hopes that his book will succeed in providing comfort.
It’s true, I’m writing about the life of a famous man. But I didn’t want to embellish or make this end of life ugly. This book had to be under the sign of truth and vulnerability. I tried to write, thinking, “If Dad had to read it, would he be embarrassed? Would he be ashamed?” I dare to believe not.
Jean-Marie Lapointe
Jean-Marie Lapointe is grateful that his father accepted his presence and his help. “Sometimes he could feel frustration with the situation,” he says, “but he had moved on and accepted what was coming. I find it so beautiful to be able to talk about dignity despite our end of life and a certain bodily and cognitive decline. I consider myself very lucky to have had access to a vulnerable father who accepted and welcomed this vulnerability, consciously or not. What a beautiful gift to experience this! »
A long journey
Jean-Marie Lapointe has been thinking about death for a long time now. Since 1991 more precisely, the year his mother died at the age of 49. He had 26. “It was a powerful two-by-four,” he confides. It seems like it opened my eyes. Mom’s death triggered a questioning in me about what we are on earth, what we do, where we are going… I asked myself: am I leading a good life? »
His perspective on life has changed, he assures. “It seems that when you encounter death, when you contemplate the end and incorporate it into your life, you welcome this finality. It’s like when you go on a trip for a month. When you have two, three days left, it seems like time takes on a completely different perspective, that you’re more in the present moment. »
PHOTO MARCO CAMPANOZZI, THE PRESS
Jean-Marie Lapointe has been interested in death for around thirty years.
The end of life closes the eyes of the dying, but opens those of the living. As a supporting person, you too are contaminated.
Jean-Marie Lapointe
This quest for meaning has never really left Jean-Marie Lapointe for 30 years. He read widely about life after death, Buddhism and reincarnation. He also decided to support children at the end of their lives, another experience full of lessons. “My first end-of-life support coach, Gisèle Laberge, often told me: “Never forget that you are supporting life, you are not supporting death. So even if the little boy in front of you has two days or two months left, he lives.” This idea, of supporting life and not death, makes us realize to what extent we don’t have the tools to get there. »
Reinventing rituals
Jean-Marie Lapointe also pleads for new end-of-life rituals. An extraordinary experience, lived a few years ago, was a revelation for him.
“I was invited to a benefit event for a woman who had an inoperable brain tumor. Her name was Sylvie Brown. She knew she was going to die and she accepted her fate.
“I was asked to give a conference for her, but I found it nonsense for me to go and talk about volunteering and end-of-life support when we had an exceptional woman there who was just going to listen to me and applaud at the end. And then everyone would leave? Instead, I suggested to her best friend that we do a living funeral.
” “Conceived ! Instead of hearing me in a lecture, we sit Sylvie on the stage and we pay tribute to her during her lifetime. You tell her to her face that you love her, that you thank her for this or that event. ‘Thank you, Sylvie, for our friendship, thank you for existing.’ It’s not when she’s in a box or in a coffin that she’s going to be able to hear all that and you’re going to be freed from having told her…”
“Sylvie accepted,” he continues, “on the condition that her son and I be seated next to her. Of course there was a laugh festival and a Kleenex festival, but… what a gift! I’m talking to you about it and I still feel the emotion…”
PHOTO MARCO CAMPANOZZI, THE PRESS
“We must question our view of death in our society,” maintains Jean-Marie Lapointe.
Jean-Marie Lapointe ardently hopes that we organize more of these living funerals, and not only in the context of medical assistance in dying. “It becomes a really intense celebration, funerals no longer have the same flavor. »
“We must question our view of death in our society,” adds the one who invites us to look death in the eyes… to better celebrate life.
Questionnaire without filter
1. Coffee and me: I love coffee, which I drink black, but I don’t have it after 2 p.m., because I won’t be around in the evening. I changed my Nespresso machine for a real machine that grinds coffee. I love the smell, I love the ritual of starting the machine in the morning.
2. The books on my bedside table: I lost a loved one by Jean Proulx (Mediaspaul), Free yourself from addiction by reprogramming your brain by Patrick Bordeaux and George F. Koob (Éditions de l’Homme) and Be, feel, think, act by Anne Bérubé (Editions Le Dauphin Blanc). I also listen to Isabelle Richer’s podcast.
3. People living or dead that I would invite to my table: Definitely the Dalai Lama. And my parents. I would like to see my father and my mother together, in their luminous presence, not in their bodies weakened by illness. I would like to show them what they have changed in my life.
4. Dreams I would like to realize: I would like to return to a stage as a musician, as a DJ. I composed songs, I made remixes, I would like that, to make the world go crazy with my music. I would also like to have a large amount of money, a kind of Lotto Max, which would allow me to have my foundation. I already have a game plan, ideas, projects. And I would love to have a daily mic, because it’s really powerful. I would have a platform to give voice to people who don’t have much of it, to do good.
Who is Jean-Marie Lapointe?
A jack of all trades, he is the author of several books, an actor, a musician, a filmmaker, in addition to being involved as a volunteer with several causes. Author of Our last trippublished by Éditions Libre Expression (preface by Marina Orsini), he will donate part of the profits to Maison Saint-Raphaël.