Gabriel has been with his wife for over 20 years. They went through a few “storms”, even one hell of a “hurricane”, among other things because of a certain tension between his passion and his reason. Explanations.
He arranged to meet us in a café in the east of the island one early morning earlier this week. Late forties, casual look, Gabriel seems like a very ordinary guy. We are far from guessing all the fire that has animated him in recent years.
You should know that before meeting his wife, in his mid-twenties, Gabriel experienced a few stories, including one, more significant, which lasted more than a year. “It was serious, we lived together,” he explains. In bed ? “We loved each other, it was wonderful. Very complicit,” he says, smiling, enigmatic. Slut? Affirmative. “Always ready to try different things. She really liked to spice it up. She had no limits. »
Why are they leaving each other? In fact, “for all the wrong reasons”. They are young, Gabriel gets a job in the region, and Mademoiselle does not see herself living a long-distance relationship.
Still, our man finds himself single, young and dashing, and above all “unattached”. And it is there that he meets the mother of his children, and the “woman of his life”, as he tells his friends. “But it’s not love at first sight,” he takes care to qualify. Rather: “we start from the same place, we come from the same environment”. Above all, they have the same “values”. As proof, in more than 20 years, they have never had the slightest debate regarding the education of children, he illustrates.
Sexually, that said, it’s less hot. “I go from one extreme to the other,” said Gabriel, smiling, a little embarrassed. It’s quieter and more traditional, but still satisfying. […] This is a person who is less inclined towards that. […] But I never lacked desire for her, he insists. It’s been over 20 years and I still have desire! She’s able to turn me on and that’s great. »
However, over the years and with children, the relationship evolves. They end up falling into a fairly classic dynamic.
We have a family, friends, the children have a lot of activities, and we… we end up with zero sex life…
Gabriel
This “desert crossing”, as he says, stretches to the point of a certain “electroshock”. And not least.
It was a few years ago. While traveling alone, without his partner, Gabriel “comes across” a woman quite by chance. Something inexplicable happens, a certain chemistry flows through them, and they don’t let go of each other all day. Nor the evening. “And this person is going to become my mistress. »
Before going any further, let us clarify that yes, of course, Gabriel feels “bad”. “Like a pile of shit.” Really, he nods. You always feel bad the next day. It’s constant. But there is something of a thrill. We live as if in a kind of unreal world. » And then he doesn’t hide it: “at that moment, I no longer had any tenderness in my relationship and my sex life was on the ground,” he explains. We had a connection, got on the 120 freeway, and never looked back.”
The adventure lasts a good year. They have fun, explore, do every possible position imaginable. It’s “great”, until his wife suspects something, and then, suddenly: “we started making love again!” » Yes: Gabriel and his wife, you understood correctly. “I think she felt the presence of the other, that’s why I’m talking about an electroshock,” he explains. We started having sex again! […] It’s as if it woke up my relationship! »
And then ? “That’s good,” he replies soberly. “I don’t want to say that I had a comparable person,” adds Gabriel, embarrassed, “but she doesn’t have the same level of openness. And it’s okay, that’s not what we want all the time…”
What was supposed to happen happens: Madame ends up confronting him, she knows he has a mistress, and forces him to choose: he stays or he leaves. “And out of love for my children, my family, because of my values, I stay. » It was the words of a colleague that convinced him: basically (we paraphrase): “All the fun you’re experiencing is not worth the shit you’re going to put your children into…”
So Gabriel cuts ties with his mistress, then the pandemic arrives. “It was an opportunity for couples to solidify themselves or break up. We decided to capitalize on our family. » And the choice bore fruit: “Cud, he realizes here, it’s possible to be happy every day! » Note that yes, if you want to know everything, in bed, the famous revival continues. “We remained active, the lean cows did not return. »
But the story does not end there. Some time later, Gabriel goes through a “difficult” period, following the death of a loved one. “I was on edge. » And it is precisely at this moment that his mistress shows signs of life again. Can you guess what happens next? It started again between the two of them. “As strong, I would even say more,” he confirms again. Because we knew each other! »
At this point in the interview, Gabriel offers several thoughts. “It’s a fight between love and passion, basically,” he said. There are people who connect, and it’s stronger than them! »
I love my wife, but I found someone who thrills me. […] But the two cannot coexist…
Gabriel
Once again, the affair stretched over a year. And again, Gabriel puts an end to it. He remains deliberately vague on the details, but we understand that reason has once again had the upper hand over this passion. “Out of love, out of commitment to my children, my friends, my wife, it’s very strong, […] I am willing to ignore my emotions. » And then “my children will always come first,” he adds, “that’s not negotiable…”
Yes, his wife gave up a second time. “We mutually had so much to lose,” he lets fall. Because yes, they love each other, it should be remembered. “Today, we have an active sex life, it’s proof that we love each other. But I am aware that I live from love and not from passion on a daily basis. » Besides, he adds to conclude, after 20 years, is this really surprising? “To be able to stay together for more than 20 years, you probably faced storms. This isn’t your first hurricane. In a couple, loving means accepting that the other is not perfect. It’s part of the game… »
Certainly, but he knows it: next time, perhaps his reason will fail. “Sacrifice has its limits…”
* Fictitious first name, to protect anonymity
Write to us to tell us your story