For three years, Catherine, 43, probes, observes and analyzes men, met online, then in person. Unable to fix themselves, to question themselves, or simply to express their emotions: his findings are not very “shining”, let’s say. Balance sheet? Guys her age are shy, not very committed and lack relationship education, she says.
Warning: confidence rant, you will understand. She does not hide it: “I have often wanted to react to the column”, immediately tells us the forty-something blonde with light eyes, which certainly turns many heads, barely seated in a small café in Rosemont. “There I said to myself: that’s enough! No, but let’s see! All these men who have problems and who do not consult! ”
It must be said that it is ” [son] domain “. Catherine is a professional in helping relationship. So the relationship, she knows. She’s been eating it for 20 years, in fact. “It is quite obvious to what extent men dare not consult! They are not in evolution and learning, like us women! “Her friends and she,” all separated for the same reasons “, have also set up an informal” pool “of research, and also all arrive at the same and inglorious conclusions:
Guys want to be taken care of, and women want to be taken care of in the relationship …
Catherine, 43 years old
Before coming there, and knowing that her words (half-personal, half-professional) are likely to cause a reaction, Catherine lends herself to the game of unfiltered confidences, and with pleasure. His discovery of sexuality? At 16, with her “first boyfriend” and “first love”, a story that lasted three years. “We explored with love and respect, it was perfect (for this age)! ”
Then followed a few romances (“I had too many, we can’t write everything down!” She chuckles), some more memorable than others. In particular this lover, in his early twenties, who “showed her a lot of things”, she quotes. Example ? “To have orgasms very easily, by all possible means …”
Mid-twenties, Catherine meets the future father of her children. Their story at the time only lasted two years. Sexually? “Passionate,” she replies. That was our anchor, quite quickly. Relatively? A little less: “He was very immature. »The type to cancel a party at the last minute to see his buddies…
At the end of her twenties, her career well launched, Catherine relaunched it, in the hope of settling down. “Having children was important to me. ” And ? “We found each other! The passion was still there. It wasn’t dead when we broke up. “Two children and several fertility treatments later (with suddenly sex” on order “), exhausted with pelvic pain as a bonus (” it’s important to talk about it, because it’s taboo! “) , happily cured thanks to a joyful cocktail of therapies (physio, osteoarthritis, acupuncture, lark), her couple is struggling. “Him, his libido had not changed, so he did not understand”, she remembers. For her part, Catherine was a little lost as a woman, through all these years of motherhood. “Sexuality was no longer associated with pleasure, but with reproduction …” In short, his libido was flat, you can imagine, the couple, despite their ten years of life, did not survive.
“It was really hard, she confirms, but I understood: we were lost…” At the time, she thought to put a cross on her sexuality (“I no longer had a libido!”) , until the day when, leaving the notary to sign her last papers at the end of her life together, she decides to buy books on sex. “I opened a bottle of wine for myself,” she laughs, “and I said to myself: if I don’t practice, I’m going to educate myself! ”
The “pool”
And the “practice” was quick, you can imagine. It was three years ago. Because, after a first kiss in a bar with a stranger (who “rekindled the flame!”, She marvels) and a two-year flirtation with a lover met on a first dating site (a lover “Excellent”, very “attentive” in bed, but paradoxically incapable of expressing her feelings in life), Catherine is “ready”. She registers on a dating application (with “swipes”), even if it does not really resemble her: “It’s really special as a style, especially for me who works in human relations …” But as she is “adventurous », She dares. Not halfway.
In all, and in the past year, she must have communicated with a good hundred men. For fun, and a bit for “science,” she said, half laughing, half serious. Because :
Honestly, these guys on these apps all have relationship issues. My job in life is to assess that. And there? OMG, I see avoidance with a capital E!
Catherine, 43 years old
“Me, I quickly see the stakes, she continues. They have had the same relationship four times, all borderline girls, all jealous, she illustrates, but they do not question each other? ”
She then recounts her aborted dates, despite an obvious chemistry (“what man on earth does not want a third date”?). Messages left hanging. Not to mention the encounters that are impossible to fix. “Men, the week they have their children, forget it! It’s as if they were running the White House! Whatever ! she ignites. I too manage a lot at the same time. I work, I have children, and I am able to manage! ”
Of the lot, she ended up meeting about thirty. And sleep with four. All “ugly”, “very average” experiences. “And the condom,” she continues. OMG, they don’t want to know. It’s not very good… ”
Verdict? She said so. And repeats it: “From my experience, women in their forties develop a lot. They go to therapy. Are interested in a lot of things, in a lot of fields. Whereas men don’t do that. It seems that the gap is widening between the evolution of men and women … ”
Certainly his words are harsh. Sliced. But perhaps intentionally provocative. And it’s good if she reacts, she concludes. “Because that’s what makes things happen: discussing! I too want to hear what they have to say… ”
* Fictitious first name, to protect anonymity