The parents. Several of the many readers who reacted to my recent column attribute responsibility for the increase in primary school classes to parents.1.
The readers I’m going to talk to you about are not disconnected critics, but experienced teachers and social workers. They do not speak of all parents, of course, but of a significant proportion, larger than a few years ago.
These parents are either overwhelmed with work, anxious about not seeing their children quickly reach certain standards, or struggling with tense shared custody2. Among others.
“Parental incompetence is the elephant in the room that no one dares to look at,” a high school teacher told me, who was also an elementary school principal, among others, during his 22-year career.
According to a social worker who works with children aged 6 to 15, overdiagnosis is a consequence of co-parenting problems, in particular, and therefore of the lack of cohesion in basic supervision.
“The parents are not well. Mothers are overloaded when they work and fathers are more or less involved with the children. Families are broken up. Parents no longer have the energy to supervise the children and leave the children in front of the screens,” this social worker told me, who, like most, requests anonymity because she is not authorized to speak publicly.
This social worker works with children who have attention deficits, hyperactivity, autism spectrum disorders or developmental and coordination disorders, among others.
“Educating children takes time and energy. Parents want the school to educate their children, but it is not the role of the school, which is to instruct, but of the parents,” she wrote to me.
The testimony of Élise Prévost, a teacher for 13 years, goes in the same direction.
The disempowerment of parents and their lack of availability have a huge impact. When the government notices that children are not brushing their teeth enough, CPEs are asked to do so, rather than making parents responsible.
Élise Prévost, teacher
“When young people don’t play outside enough or don’t do enough sport, it’s recess at school that is extended or periods of physical education, rather than raising awareness among parents,” continues the teacher.
Less DIY, more screens
Another reader, a secondary school teacher who herself has two children, believes that parents should question their practices.
“How many hours does your child sleep per night?” How many hours of sport does he do per week? How many hours does he spend in front of a screen (cell phone, video games, social networks)? How many kilometers does he walk? How many hours does he spend outside the home (school and daycare)? How many hours does he read? How many family dinners do you have per week? »
Another teacher, who has worked in primary school for 30 years, affirms that the situation has deteriorated in recent years, regardless of the school environments she attended. She notes that there were fewer cases of language disorders in her early days, which she attributes to the greater presence of technology today.
“Children are less stimulated by parents. Hobbies at home are no longer the same. Reading, drawing, coloring, crafting, role playing: these activities promoted the development of fine motor skills and communication. Parents who are permanently connected to their cell phone talk much less to their children,” says this teacher, who nevertheless notes that we are detecting cases today that were not previously diagnosed, particularly for a disorder in the spectrum of autism.
“I saw a change taking place when childcare services entered schools. Children are stationed at school from 7 a.m. to 5-6 p.m., with lunch and end-of-class snacks at their desks. School is no longer seen as a place of learning, but a big daycare,” she adds.
Early detection: perverse effects
Another social worker in the youth sector affirms, on the contrary, that some parents worry unnecessarily. She sees this with the early detection method, in particular the Act early 0-5 years program, which has perverse effects, according to her.
Combined with parents’ anxiety about not having a perfect child, this type of program leads to overconsultation, which has the effect of clogging the system with young children who are nevertheless progressing normally.
“We don’t let children be children anymore. And we no longer allow parents to develop their common sense. Rather, from the birth of their child, we give them standards to achieve. And we are surprised by the result. »
These recriminations from the school environment against parents are not new. And it is difficult to know whether the situation in Quebec differs from that of the other provinces. Does the higher employment rate in Quebec than elsewhere among 25-44 year olds (87% compared to 84% in Ontario), which results in situations where both parents work full time, have an effect? ?
The fact remains that the role of parents is crucial and full of challenges. You have to know how to supervise, know how to influence, know how to impose sleep, know when to show flexibility (or not), know how to crush your pride, know how to accept the differences of your offspring, know how to develop your particularities, know how to value, know how to be patient, knowing how to communicate, knowing how to transmit values… in short, knowing how to love.
Captivating, but not easy being a parent.
1. Read the column “Are our children more difficult than elsewhere? »
2. Letters from readers have been abbreviated and synthesized for brevity, clarity and cohesion.
Correction on the ADHD rate
In my March 4 column on the subject, it was written that 27% of 10-12 year olds in Quebec were taking psychostimulants linked to ADHD in 2017, compared to 10% in other large provinces (5). The proportions are instead 14% and 5%, respectively. Mea culpa for having misinterpreted a table in the study.