“We must always favor dialogue”, because ordinary educational violence is a “ancestral methods” which can “have consequences on the child”, insisted Tuesday, October 26 on franceinfo Gilles Lazimi, doctor and coordinator of campaigns against educational violence, while a new awareness campaign will be launched on television and on social networks by the government from November 3.
franceinfo: Two years after the promulgation of the law prohibiting ordinary educational violence, do we still need a communication campaign?
Gilles Lazimi: Yes of course. A law is not enough in itself, it must be accompanied by shock measures, it must be accompanied by campaigns. In addition, to change behavior, it takes time and education. This campaign is essential since it shows that what we do not do to adults, we must not do to children, especially hitting them, and that each time we must privilege dialogue. (…) We unfortunately do not have many studies [sur la fessée]. However, we see that young parents today are less violent than older parents. We have seen society move. There are still diehards and difficulties, because it is hard to be a parent and not to use what we ourselves have gone through. However, with education, we get there and we understood the interest of no longer being violent with children, of being benevolent. We can talk and dialogue to make sure that the child understands.
What is ordinary educational violence and what can it entail for the child?
These are all the means of violence used by parents to make a child obey. It is to hurt, to make suffer, to stun the child so that he will obey you. These are ancestral methods, which have been used culturally for thousands of years in our countries and which make us believe that, in order to make a child obey, he must be hit. This therefore concerns small methods such as slapping, spanking, pinching, hair pulling. It can also be hurtful, humiliating words or yelling at an infant. These methods will stun the child, scare him and hurt him. A child (…) needs encouragement, love, games to stimulate him and to learn. He needs attention and dedication. If it does not have these elements and if there is violence, it can cause adjustment and learning disorders, possibly school failures, aggression, depression, anxiety. … Of course, not all children are going to have this, but with these violent methods, children risk having relationship problems and will reproduce violence. (…) We cannot have the same demands with it. a child of 2, 5 or 10 years old. When you know that 50% of parents hit their child before the age of 2, it’s annoying, because a two-year-old does not understand. When you hit, it’s a failure. You have to try to understand the child’s development, what he can hear and understand, and then do with him.
From Wednesday November 3, a television spot on the first 1,000 days of the child will be broadcast. Is this period essential?
Yes, these are the first moments of attachment, when the child will wake up and we will support him to allow him to acquire language, relationship, empathy. It is a fundamental period for the child, for the parents and for the relationship between them. This is where everything – or almost – will be built, but parents have to be helped. Few parents know, for example, that the development of the child will be done until the age of 25, that a crying child does not necessarily want to eat. We hear a lot of things from our parents and, unfortunately, we reproduce. It is therefore absolutely necessary to learn. Studies in neuroscience show that this period is essential and that it takes two when possible. Double paternity leave is therefore essential and fathers must take it from the start. We know that the postpartum period is very complicated for parents and that we must help them, not to be perfect parents – it’s very difficult – but to be the least bad parent possible.