“It’s nice to think that we can do everything, we have to share”, recommends a psychiatrist to lighten the mental load of women

Aurélia Schneider, psychiatrist, advises involving everyone when organizing the end-of-year celebrations: the children, the spouse or the guests when they are responsible for bringing something.

“It’s nice to think that we can do everything but let’s be reasonable, we have to share,” recommends Saturday December 23 on franceinfo Aurélia Schneider, psychiatrist, author of The mental burden of women (Larousse). Asked about the increased mental load during the holiday period, she explains that women are even more involved in domestic life than men and that during the holiday period “the mental load is maximum”. She therefore recommends not being a perfectionist and distributing tasks better: “Everyone must pitch in”.

franceinfo: What exactly do we call mental load?

Aurélia Schneider: It’s the fact of having to think about one thing while you are elsewhere in another domain. It is the situation of simultaneity of things to do and think which creates the mental load. It’s having to think about different things at the same time, in different places and at different times. This concept was described by a sociologist in the 1980s who studied the question and it was taken up in 2017 by a designer who took the formula and brought it up to date by applying it to domestic situations.

How does this mental load materialize during the holidays?

You have to think about everything. You must have impeccable time management. Very often the mental load is greater among perfectionist people. Many women want the meal to be perfect, their Christmas party to be a success, their interior to be impeccable. This is a real problem because at that time the mental load is at its maximum. Having the idea of ​​doing everything is a problem.

“Even now, in traditional couples, women are more involved in domestic life.”

Aurélia Schneider, psychiatrist,

at franceinfo

Plus, most of the time, women want things to be perfect and everyone to be happy and well. These are legitimate demands but very psychologically costly.

What are the solutions to relieve this mental burden?

It’s sharing. Also telling yourself that if it’s not perfect it doesn’t matter, the important thing is to be together. You should not want to clean your house from floor to ceiling to the cellar but do the minimum and take time to take care of yourself, take a shower for example rather than cleaning the bathroom. We need a slightly more even distribution. Everyone has to pitch in: children, spouses, people from outside who have to contribute something.

It’s nice to think that we can do anything but let’s be reasonable, we have to share. There are men who are efficient and who do their part but that is not all and we are still very much in the traditional.