How can we educate our parents about sexuality?

One of your parents is single and you see them struggling on dating apps? Are you worried about his heart and body? Would you like to help her navigate the strange jungle of digital romance? You are in the right place.

When I read Olivia Lévy’s article about people over 50 looking for love, a story came to mind. It is that of a friend whose mother, recently separated, had agreed to join a stranger in a truck stop on the side of a highway. My girlfriend, alarmed, taught him that there were safer options for first dates. What followed were some lessons in dating app survival.

I found the process adorable… and worrying for an entire generation who had not yet experienced the vagaries of the digital age. I therefore took advantage of my colleague’s work to seek the advice of two experts who will help us better support our parents in the changing world of singleness.

(It was nothing !)

Let’s start the discussion

The happiness of an individual who leaves a long relationship can come through new romantic encounters, but also through time for himself or the exploration of his passions, recalls sexologist Julie Lemay. Rather than being directive with our parents, it is better to “show them that we are available to talk about their needs, that we care about them and that we do not desexualize the elderly,” she believes.

The author of Sexuality education: from birth to preadolescence suggests opting for general questions: “Have you thought about meeting someone? Do you feel ready? If you have any questions do not hesitate ! Don’t forget that I’m comfortable with applications, if ever…”

In the same way, Morag Bosom, researcher and designer of sexological content for Club Sexu, recommends that we take an interest in our parents, but without infantilizing them. We can always remind them of the basics of safety, but it may be that our parent really wants to be tenderized in the middle of their 40s and we must respect that too…

Now, if we fear that our mother is not used to naming her limits and that she is trying to please someone who is too enterprising, we can tell her. The idea is to verbalize our concerns, but without judgment.

Jasons ITSS

Taboo subject, although essential: protection. We are seeing an increase in sexually transmitted and blood-borne infections (STIs) among people over 60 years old.

The researcher learned that among these generations, this type of infection can come with heavy prejudices. STBBIs are associated with great promiscuity, multiple partners or irresponsibility on the part of the carrier. However, STBBIs sometimes present without symptoms and we can transmit them without our knowledge, regardless of our sexual orientation and our number of partners.

Good. Discussing STBBIs with our parents may not be a reflex.

Morag Bosom then encourages us to guide them towards resources. Sex Club, the digital media to which she collaborates, is full of articles on this subject, for example. Julie Lemay, for her part, highlights the accessible information and tone of the Sex & U site (don’t be fooled by the name, the texts are available in French).

Let’s enrich our vocabulary

Another simple way to support our father or mother who has recently experienced a separation is to teach them the vocabulary necessary to deal with dating applications.

It’s good to know how to decipher emojis, for example, says Morag Bosom. On an online profile, they represent interests and, sometimes, those interests can be sexual. A unicorn can mean that one is looking for or is a woman who wishes to have relations with a couple. Pineapple can be synonymous with libertinism. Eggplant and peach are not just fruits and vegetables either. And drops of water don’t quite mean that we’re thirsty. Spread the message!

Catfish is an important term to understand, insists Morag Bosom: “It refers to a person who will use a false identity in order to seduce online. This person can talk to us, exchange text messages of a sexual nature (sexts), ask for photos… You have to have a keen eye. If someone seems too good to be true, it might be worth doing a Google search to make sure they’re not actually a model in Sweden. » Let’s talk about it with our parents.

Despite our best intentions, we may not be the best person to have this kind of conversation.

If intimate subjects have always been taboo within our family, there is nothing spontaneous in this sudden hierarchical reversal.

If you recognize yourself in this situation, let sexologist Julie Lemay reassure you: “It takes a village to provide sexuality education, it is true for a child as well as an adult. We can play the role of lookout and pass the puck to loved ones who have experienced separations, who have met a new person after a long relationship, who have had successes or failures…”

Creating a network of scouts for our parents, what a great idea.

“Sexuality is definitely not just a youth thing,” concludes the sexologist.

(Quite lucky.)