THE party is caught. Samuel tries to pierce the hubbub by repeating that we would be ready to begin… Some finally hear him and whisper “hush! to their neighbors who realize, embarrassed, that their silence is expected. I am conquered.
After reading my column about listening, Samuel Raymond and Carole Lafrance (respectively speaker and general manager of Habitations Nouvelles Avenues) invited the residents of the place to a discussion on communication. In this column, I asked experts “how to listen better”. I was curious to know what seniors could teach me about this subject, based on their long experience in the field. So I joined the meeting…
When I arrived at Les Habitations, Carole Lafrance explained to me that approximately 120 activities are offered to residents each year. This is because we promote the involvement of tenants. They are the ones who orchestrate line dancing classes, game afternoons and gardening, for example.
“They are still young at 85 and we want them to continue to exploit their talents! »
The vision of the general manager of Habitations Nouvelles Avenues is well aligned with the primary mission of the non-profit housing organization. In 1991, a group of citizens and organizations in the Rosemont district began a long process to meet the needs of seniors in terms of accessible housing. In 1993, they were allocated land on the former site of the Center Paul-Sauvé. There are now 130 units for people aged 60 and over who are autonomous or with a slight loss of autonomy. Nearly 70% of these are for low-income tenants. The objective is to enable seniors to be responsible for their living environment and to age in community. Better, in an active community.
Moreover, today’s meeting is part of a process begun four years ago, when the Habitations Nouvelles Avenues well-treatment charter was created.
The policy is based on 10 principles that promote everyone’s well-being, including respecting everyone’s pace and choices, and fighting bullying. At the time, to imagine the charter, we organized a series of interviews. The residents then proposed solutions to make their living environment more caring, in particular the creation of workshops on communication.
PHOTO HUGO-SÉBASTIEN AUBERT, THE PRESS
Carole Lafrance, General Manager of Habitations Nouvelles Avenues and Samuel Raymond, speaker
“Sometimes discussions go wrong, recalls Samuel Raymond, now that he has obtained the attention of his 17 guests. Rumors spread quickly and it can cause sadness in some people. We want to limit that. »
Today’s meeting serves as a test, explains the speaker. We will see at the end of it if the residents wish to participate in a series of workshops or not. To get the ball rolling, he invites them to comment on my column. Immediately, a man replies: “What prevents me from really listening is that I install my prejudice between me and the other. »
It starts strong.
The group is inspired: we all have ideas about others and if we let them tint our listening, we don’t reach the truth of others! So how do we put our biases aside?
“It’s difficult, but we have everything to gain because the majority of people are looking for a good listener more than a good speaker! », launches another participant.
An idea emerges. Could we name the emotions that we perceive in our interlocutor to make sure that we understand the way he feels? “Listen to the state of the other and not just their words”, summarizes a participant. A woman adds that it would help everyone, basically: “When our interlocutor reflects our emotions, it helps us to disentangle ourselves! »
In fact, what do we expect from the person to whom we surrender? asks Samuel Raymond. It makes us think, allows us to move forward, shows us the other side of the coin and identifies possible solutions. It comes back to empowerment: often, we want to assess our options.
Then the conversation takes a philosophical turn: “Sometimes it’s more comfortable not to hear, isn’t it? »
A participant underlined that the media have their role to play in this. When we put forward a teacher who insults her students, are we doing it to judge her or to understand her? He wonders.
The debate ignites, while I assess the real motivations of my listening. (More workshops like this please, thank you.)
Someone pointed out that, on the other hand, we sometimes have to disregard what we hear in order to protect ourselves: “When we live in a community, negative talk can become intrusive. Why not make “I mind my own business” posters to avoid gossip? »
People really like the idea. Then, the discussion turns into a sharing circle. When a man empties his heart about the prejudices engendered by his handicap, his companions applaud him warmly.
The speaker from Habitations Nouvelles Avenues then suggested creating spaces so that everyone could tell other residents what they were experiencing. How did we say that at the start of the meeting? Oh yes ! Because our prejudices sometimes prevent us from listening well.
“Someone who hasn’t spoken yet wants to? asks Samuel Raymond, after 90 minutes of discussion.
A woman ventures: “I’m often afraid to speak because others do it better than me. Another replies: “Me too, but it’s important to know how to assert yourself… Not to be the little lady who doesn’t say anything! Communication workshops, I would find that super interesting. »
It is unanimous. That’s settled.
Then a man raises his hand. If he hasn’t spoken yet, it’s because he’s hard of hearing and he listened to us differently. In fact, he listened to us while looking at us: “And I heard the harmony. »
I heard it too, through the echoes of an old age little reflected in popular culture. A very real version in which we still have a world to redo and ideas to push.