During a soccer match that you mention in the book, the grandfather of a young player hits a 17-year-old referee. How to avoid coming to this?
“That is a rapid escalation. I saw it in the arenas, I saw it in many other situations, underlines Isabelle Côté. The person experiences frustration. In her head, she is making a speech: “This referee or this person wants to hurt me, she is a liar, a cheat.” And then she starts to creak her mind instead of calming down, she just notices that person and their flaws because anger leads to tunnel vision – you don’t see anything good anymore. Then she said to herself: “I’m going to intervene, this has to stop.” She gets up, she goes towards the referee, and there, she is in a blue rage – it’s no longer a red rage – she shouts, she becomes intimidating and the other person pushes her shoulder a little. Do not touch someone who is angry, it is sure that he will react! Take a distance of about a meter, show your hands and the person will see that you don’t blame them, that you don’t want to attack them. Right away, it will make a better effect. We have the power to reduce acts of violence in our society. First, by being aware of one’s condition to avoid being an angry abuser; second, by preventing others, by all means, from becoming violent towards you. If you try alternative communication and it doesn’t work, you walk away because otherwise you’ll create problems for you and the other… You have to be strong enough to overcome the urge to slap him on the mouth ! »
You cut someone in their car and that person goes into a rage. What to do ?
“It’s happened to me to be in the moon and then cut someone’s way and the person was cursed,” says Isabelle Côté. I made an “I apologize” face; that’s all I can do. It does not matter that the person sends me the finger, that she shows me the fist, she is entitled to a reaction. I made a mistake, I assume it, it’s correct; but if she sends me the finger and I do the same, then we’re going to an escalation. We have to be strong and accept the pitfalls, accept our mistakes and the reaction of the other. I try to understand and I do not insist. But if she is running after you, sticking to you and looking to have an accident, for your safety and the safety of others, pull over to the side of the road, lock your doors and show her that you are calling 911. The individual will maybe realize he’s making a fool of himself and drive off, or someone will stop him before he’s able to get into your car. Some have shorter wicks than others, we don’t know why. Always think about your protection: you don’t get out of the car if you are not sure that the person is in control of their body. »
Every night is the party at your neighbor’s, the music volume is on the ceiling until late hours. How do we handle the situation?
On the neighborhood side, there are municipal regulations, notes Isabelle Côté. “Municipal inspectors can give you good advice. And tell the inspector that you don’t want any problems with your neighbor, that you want to find out about your rights and see what you can do in a delicate way. But also go chat with the other neighbors to see if you are the only one complaining. And if you try to communicate with the neighbor in question, be prepared, she insists. “Go with a good attitude, a day when you are in a good mood – not when you are exhausted! You don’t know how he’s going to react, he can throw you off and then do worse – some have even had threats. Choose your time to talk to him and take the time to check if he has visitors, tell him you will be back. Normally, someone with common sense will understand that it is important to have a good neighborhood agreement. With a good approach, in general, I can tell you that we solve this in at least 80-90% of cases. »
Cease fire! – How to defuse everyday violence
Isabelle Cote
Trecarre
136 pages