By her own admission, it was not for pleasure that Diane “reopened drawers filled with painful memories” on this International Women’s Day. But the lady agreed to testify about her past to invite other victims of domestic violence to ask for help and break out of the vicious circle of coercive control.
Like many other women, it took Diane being subjected to a particularly brutal physical attack to realize that she was living in a context of domestic violence. The lady had not recognized the warning signs sent to her by her spouse during the two years that they had been dating.
“At the beginning, it was my prince charming, he called me his queen, she notes. I was the prettiest, the best. »
However, what she considered to be attention and interest from her suitor turned out to be part of the strategy of a “narcissistic pervert who takes notes on [elle] to better [la] manipulate. “It was a spider that was preparing me to trap me in its web,” illustrates the survivor who, at a certain point, was no longer even able to tie her shoes without her spouse rebuffing her.
Monitoring of emails, calls or outings, control of dress code, supervision of relations with friends and family, imposition of routines or a curfew, interference in the parent-child relationship, harassment, constant denigration: these are just a few examples of how coercive control is exercised by an abusive partner and results in control of many, if not all, areas of his victim’s life.
This is a form of domestic violence that too often goes under the radar, both that of loved ones and of the victims themselves, argues Annick Brazeau, president of the Regrouping of houses for women victims of domestic violence (RMFVVC).
“These manifestations can be subtle and do not always involve physical violence”, recalls the one who is also the general manager of the shelter Pour Elles des Deux Vallées.
If children complete the family, they too are victims, and not only if they witness episodes of control. “The spouse can prevent the children, or their stepchildren, from speaking or making noise. He may prevent their mother from comforting them or even breastfeeding them. Coercive control manifests itself when the spouse even manages the relationship between the mother and her children”, lists Céline Rossini, who has designed a toolbox aimed at facilitating the recognition of coercive control for the attention of victims and professionals brought to work with this vulnerable clientele.
Everything was presented by the organization on Wednesday as part of a virtual press conference.
Tools to inform
At the heart of this awareness strategy is an informative booklet entitled “It’s not love, it’s control”, which will be distributed in more than 5,000 copies through the network of women’s shelters. victims of domestic violence and other resources.
Its designers hope that the examples and definitions provided in the tool will enable victims to recognize that they are experiencing a certain form of conjugal violence that is not always accompanied by physical aggression.
“The examples contained in the booklet and the testimonial it contains put words to an experience that many women find difficult to describe or identify,” underlines Ms.me Rossini. It makes them realize that they are not the only ones to have been there, that they are not crazy and that they were right to be afraid. It legitimizes what they have been through. »
Other booklets and training have been produced for the attention of police officers, lawyers and workers so that coercive control is better recognized and considered as a form of violence in the eyes of the law, in the same way as harassment and the threats. The Regroupement also campaigns for coercive control to be criminalized, as is the case in Australia, in certain European countries and in the United States, for example.
Cathy Allen, worker and manager of the Alternative pour Elles shelter and shelter, pointed out that the booklet invites victims to document what they are going through. “It’s important to keep records and leave them in a safe place,” she says. It can help women organize their thoughts, see the gradation of violence, and most importantly, help them tell their story when they are ready to. »
Since 2021, under the Divorce Act, family law judges must take into account the existence of a context of coercive control to ensure the paramount interest of the child, underlines the RMFVVC .
“We really feel that an awareness is happening. We see changes and improvements taking place for the benefit of women,” says Annick Brazeau.
In 2022, the 47 member organizations of the RMFVVC hosted more than 2,700 women and 1,900 children. They provided external support services 26,000 times and responded to more than 110,000 requests from victims, their relatives or professionals.
All of the tools produced by the RMFVVC are also available in digital format on the organization’s website.
This dispatch was produced with financial assistance from the Meta Exchange and The Canadian Press for News.