Watching like in time | The Press

I ran into Patrick Huard a few weeks ago. Since then, a question has been bothering me…

It was on the set of two golden men ; I specify this out of respect for the colleague Patrick Lagacé… Behind the scenes, Patrick (the comedian, not the host) slipped me a word about the family reunions to which he was entitled, when he was younger. Those where everyone got together spontaneously, where parents played cards until dawn and where children slept in coats, “not because it was comfortable, but so that they wouldn’t be forgotten”!

He told me that he feared that these stretching nights were on the way out.

It got me inside.

I also cultivate precious memories of the genre, yet I rarely try to recreate them… When did the reflex to get together as a family start to crumble?

That’s the question that’s been bothering me since the end of January. And to find an answer, I took the time to discuss it more seriously with Patrick Huard – who surprisingly became my muse.

“On Sundays, everyone rang at my grandmother’s,” says the comedian, actor, director and producer. It wasn’t a big apartment, but we were a big gang. They spoke loudly, they persisted, they played at 500! I miss that simplicity…”

After a brief pause, he adds: “Well, I guess everyone was getting into their car biting each other, but that’s okay… There was a real spirit of reunion! »

So, is the family always at the heart of our gatherings?

I give you the short answer: yes, but no.

Dominique Morin, Full Professor in the Department of Sociology at Laval University, is interested in the history of Quebec society and the sociology of the family. He taught me that with the baby boom of the 1950s, the Quebec family found itself in a reversal where the authority of the elders no longer necessarily prevailed. We felt less and less obliged to participate in group activities…

At the same time, a new image of the family began to take hold: the suburban model. “Access to property came with mobility,” explains Dominique Morin. In the suburbs, you are not necessarily the neighbor of your brothers and sisters. The family therefore refocused on the couple and the children. »

Then, as the expertise on the good of the child became more democratic, life was slowly organized around the needs of the little ones.

The mid-1980s then offered us a historic low in fertility. The nuclear clan has shrunk; kinship has become a system of interpersonal relationships, rather than a nice big group to be seen on a regular basis.

Add to all that work-family balance and you get a new norm: quality time spent with family is focused on the children, not on the relatives of yesteryear.

“They still exist, the big family meetings, nuance Dominique Morin. But maintaining them takes effort. People caught up in the reconciliation-family tension become organizational tacticians. You want to see your loved ones, but how do you arrange everyone’s schedule? You won’t give the other an armbar if he can’t come, whereas before, the feeling of obligation did exist…”

We are more free, therefore. And busier, maybe.

“It’s hard to find time, so we’re stingy with that time,” Patrick Huard told me. We just don’t give it away. I don’t know why we do this. It is as if idleness were a grave sin…”

Not only do we run after our breath, but we also try to take advantage of the rare breaks we have, as Dominique Morin pointed out to me.

“During research, parents tell us that if they deviate from the family routine, they know that they will pay the next day…” It’s less tempting to play cards until 2 a.m. if you’re afraid that your kids will make the bacon as soon as they wake up, that’s for sure.

Speaking of letting go, let’s go back to Patrick Huard’s family evenings…

When I submitted this excellent question to Dominique Morin, he replied that to be comfortable serving leftover spag to our guests, you need real familiarity. If we are not close to our guests, it is our image that comes into play…

The less we see each other, the less we say: “Rig through the fridge and settle down, I love you.” »

Now, should we be nostalgic for that time when family reunions were the norm?

Patrick Huard is not him.

“I don’t miss my parents who smoked a packet and a half in the car with the windows closed, the people who drove drunk or those who said stupid things. But I miss the spirit, the vibes good kid. I wonder if we don’t have something to learn from that period…”

Well, Dominique Morin believes in the relevance of observing our memories in an anthropological approach.

“Holding on to a clear memory that life wasn’t always the way it is is healthy when you want a reflective life, rather than rushing into routine. But I wouldn’t dare call uncles or aunts to find out how to live better! »

Okay, maybe I’ll just call them for a game of 500 first.