Benoît is in “process”. But also on a “mission”. Its goal ? Tell the whole world that questions of identity exist everywhere, in all walks of life, in all social groups. Even among career people. Even among those who have succeeded in life, what… Like him.
Precision: we write here “him”, we also quote Benoît, 43 years old, because he appears before us as a man and also speaks in the masculine (almost) throughout the interview. As of this writing, he has his hair cut short, his beard clean-shaven and wears a designer sports coat. In short, he has the allure of a relaxed businessman, all that is more ordinary. With a smile on his face that won’t let go. Obviously, our meeting is part of the process. And she does good.
But as you read these lines (several weeks later), he is probably somewhere else. That is his wish, in any case.
“It has to come out, at some point. What will happen? Very good question. […] But yes, I am in the process of coming out. » He knows it: his wife and children will undoubtedly have a big shock. “But I have no choice…”
“We often see people in transition who are struggling, who have trouble getting there, he continues, still smiling. Why not demonstrate that despite a good profession, a good career, it is possible, people in society, in politics, general managers, who experience this. »
It might be nice if I showed that to the world. Make a difference…
Benedict
Living “that”, that is to say a “gender dysphoria”, as we say in the jargon. “And as far back as I can remember, I’ve always been drawn to this side [féminin] there, I disguised myself as a princess, I hid my sisters’ clothes. “A highlight that he has never forgotten: this time when his mother discovered the pot of roses. “Your father mustn’t see that…” A comment that remained etched in Benoît’s brain. “Society doesn’t accept that,” he recorded. And… I stopped. »
Completely ? More or less, you’ll see. Nevertheless, the idea of a feminine wardrobe has always “run around in her head”.
As an adolescent, then as an adult, Benoît easily gets “blonde”. “I am attracted to women, their beauty, I want to look like them,” he rationalizes. And then he knows it: “Want, don’t want, I attract girls, that’s for sure, I’m not ugly, and then they are attracted by my more feminine side. I am empathetic. I have no trouble making friends either. His interest in men would not come until much later. “And I didn’t expect it…” We’ll come to that.
Note that in bed, on the other hand, he performs rather poorly. “It’s always the same story: I feel pressure, I see it as a chore. »
I look at girls and I wish I were in their place. I’m jealous of them to the point of breaking down!
Benedict
Still, about ten years ago, Benoît met the mother of his children. Together, and quickly, they start a family. “She’s not so into sex, she’s disorganized, stressed, tired, so I’m able to handle through that…”
Strangely, she is also “zero feminine” and never wears any makeup. ” She likes it rough, me, I’m more of the pale pink type, sweetness. She likes body hair, I don’t have any. […] We’ve always had this disagreement. Sometimes she threatens me to leave, but I know that I bring stability: we have a chalet…”
Speaking of chalets, it was with this purchase that everything came together. But first, allow me a parenthesis: it is that over all these years, Benoît has also experienced different phases of accumulation, then of purging of women’s clothes. He only mentions it here, at this precise moment. Each series of purchases (dresses, wigs, make-up) is followed by a radical “it doesn’t look good”, where Benoît empties the attic, warehouse, etc. Except that with this chalet, precisely, the obligation to empty loses its raison d’être. He no longer lacks space and he has time on his hands, while he leaves his wife and children to “renovate”.
Has he already confided? Never, he nods. But why?
The fear of disappointing, in general. I like to succeed. I like people to be proud of me. And then the fear of losing, too…
Benedict
Fear that inhabits him less today, one guesses.
It’s actually been a year, to be exact, that he’s been putting together a real wardrobe at this chalet. On an old Facebook account open to women (under the name of Joannie*), he publishes photos, make-up tests, etc. “Finally, I don’t do so many renovations,” he smiles. And then, I don’t know what happened, but I ended up with thousands of subscribers. And it does me a lot of good. »
Not only because he has become a kind of ” Instababe ” (Or babe Instagram, a title that is no stranger to his recent fitness), as his sister now teases, to whom, yes, he has just revealed himself. “But because it makes me happy, happy, nuance Benoît, for the first time in the feminine. Life is smiling at me, I feel better, I have to take another step. I must say who I am: Benoît wants to become a woman. »
The story does not end there. Last fall, he started hormones. And for the first time in his life, he went out with trans friends, whom he met online, through his female Facebook profile. “As a blonde, in my big white coat, it’s sure that I flash when I get out of my big truck “, he beams. That evening, he (or rather she, Joannie) also met a guy. “A handsome male with a beard. He took me under his protection. […] And I liked that, being his girl for the night. »
It had never crossed his mind, however, and for the very first time, when Benoît/Joannie found himself in his bed, he “let himself go, it was extraordinary”. “It was my place! »
His interpretation? “It stirred something in me. A normal life as a woman, that’s what I want. »
Of course, Benoît knows that the news will hurt. No doubt to his wife, without forgetting his children. “But I have remained a man for 43 years because I am afraid of disappointing those around me. It’s me who suffers in there. There, after 43 years, I feel like thinking about myself. I have the right to live what I live, he concludes, all smiles. GB, I’m on board, it’s time. »
* Fictitious first names, to protect his anonymity