I wanted to go back to my column last Sunday, the one where I addressed the issue of insults and intimidation that originate in schoolyards and that still spring decades later from the mouths of certain adult characters.
I wanted to come back to it, not to talk about these “characters”, but to salute the open-mindedness of Quebecers, the one we rarely talk about since it is too often swallowed up by intolerance, racism or homophobia. minority voices.
I have felt this openness in the hundreds of emails you have sent me over the past few days. Before going any further, I would like to apologize to those who took the time to write to me. I abandoned the idea of answering you, because that would have occupied a good part of my week.
Know that I have read each of your emails. Some shocked me, others made me smile. But all offered me a portrait of a society that has come a long way and has made giant strides in a few years.
What struck me was that this column on homophobic insults earned me messages from all walks of life: young people, the elderly, parents, grandparents, gays and heterosexuals.
In fact, I understood that you received this column as a balm for intolerance or rejection that is experienced for all sorts of reasons. The differences are easy to find in schoolyards. All it takes is a frail build, red hair, being overweight, a diction problem or “effeminate mannerisms”.
“A guy had the ‘brilliant’ idea of calling me ‘Guénette la fag’ since the two rhymed,” says Jacques Guénette. It was an insult that hurt me and robbed me of my true personality. I was attracted to girls, not boys […] For many months, this situation played a major role in my morale. When I started having blondes, the rumor died down. But even today, the word “faggot” gives me a burning sensation in my stomach. Seventy years ago, Jean-Paul attended an elementary school in a small provincial town. “I had the misfortune to be at the top of the class. That was enough for the little Rambos of the time to deck me out with epithets like “faggot” and “fifi”. Besides, I never understood why the dunces used these terms towards those who succeeded in class. »
Many of you have been transformed by a tragic experience that struck a brother, a friend, an uncle, a cousin.
“In September 1974, my brother took the leap from the top of the YMCA,” says Pierre. He endured the humiliations that the fat guys in the area had in their repertoire. After all these years, I still miss my older brother. »
This reader adds that in his farewell letter, his brother quoted the song As they sayby Charles Aznavour.
Charles Caza has the atrocious memory of a boy he knew 50 years ago. “He fled into the woods because he was sick of himself. He never came back. The one who was the most “troublemaker” was beaten up a few weeks later because he had decided to attack another. It was the end of his reign. »
A reader remembers an uncle who left with his secret. “He has been unhappy all his life due to a forced marriage. I loved this warm and funny man. It was a party when he came to visit us. He hid this “blemish” all his life. I received many testimonials from parents and grandparents. Some have experienced (and still experience) some anxiety about their child or their grandchildren who are now gay or trans. But through it, I found a lot of happiness and pride.
A mother told me about her trans son who grew up in a town in Saguenay. “He is lucky to have a character that makes him move forward without fear and without shame in life. He lives in Montreal and will never come back to live in our area. »
Some parents spoke of their protective side. “I have a 59-year-old gay son and I’m proud of him. I pity the person who would dare to say stupid words about him. The 81-year-old lioness mother that I am would roar. »
Teachers are the first witnesses to bullying at school. Many of them expressed their anger at this phenomenon. “I heard, insults that certain students were the object, remembers Gisèle. I opposed each time, because I felt so sorry for these children who were attacked. »
I liked the testimony of Martin Labrie, a teacher who hesitated for a long time before making the transition from primary to secondary, a universe that brought back bad memories. “At 40, I took the plunge, telling myself that it was time to face the monster of my past. A few weeks after my arrival, my manager asked me what I wanted to bring to my workplace. I said I wanted to be out, completely myself in front of the students. I did it the same day. »
In this column, I said that the lump in the belly that some had during childhood can easily resurface.
“I’m 54 and the ‘t-word’ still hurts my stomach. Although I have made my way, I sometimes go back 40 years. This era clearly colored my life and my way of being. And somehow, I still suffer the consequences. »
For Élise, who is a lesbian, it’s something else. ” Thanks ! It made me realize that the ball I had in my stomach is no longer there, that I am strong and that I love myself. »
As I said earlier in this column, several messages have come from heterosexuals. It particularly warmed my heart. “I am part of the group of heterosexuals, writes Luc. This is not of great importance in my remarks, if only to say that I can imagine what people stigmatized in the past, and unfortunately still in 2023, may have suffered or have suffered. I have a heavy heart and tears in my eyes. »
And then there’s Jacques who wrote to me: “I’m just a straight guy who’s part of the average bear and who sometimes talks bullshit. This column opened my eyes. »
It seems that when a wolf and a bear clash, the wolf forfeits most of the time.
To those who are part of the average bear, thank you for being there!
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