The Press offers you a weekly testimony that aims to illustrate what really happens behind the bedroom door, in privacy, far, far from statistics and standards. Today: Viviane*, 44 years old
This is how she presents herself. And it’s a hell of a turn. Here is the story of a woman who feels bad about herself, extremely complex, who gained self-confidence overnight. And not nearly.
“Looks like I’m getting revenge!” “, laughs Viviane, met in the fall in a café in Laval. The pulpy forty-year-old tells her story in a good mood, through a testimony that immediately promises to be if not light, at least amusingly entertaining (and condensed!).
Flirty, with her nylon stockings and her eyebrows drawn, we guess that she has not always been. “Now, when I go back somewhere, I keep thinking that I’m the most cute of the gang ! Because I know how powerful trust is! »
And it’s quite recent, in fact. The forty-year-old spends very quickly on 8/10 of her life, because she simply does not have much to tell. Throughout her youth, her adolescence and a good part of her adult life, Viviane suffered from a major, sorry, immense lack of self-confidence, due to being overweight. “I was not well, borderline depressed, it was not joyful. […] I didn’t feel good about myself, I didn’t let anyone near me, I was really closed off. Closed solid, up to 38 years old. You read correctly.
“I lost my virginity very, very, very late”, confirms our “late-bloomer”, insisting heavily on the adverb. “Yes, at 38,” she said, laughing even harder. I didn’t assume it at first, but now that I have the life I have… I’ve made up for lost time! »
Me, I became almost libertine!
Viviane
The trigger ” ? Viviane leaves no room for doubt: her bariatric operations. Not once or twice, but three times under the knife, on top of the market. “And it helps with confidence, yes. It changes something in the self-image. “She would also have appreciated a certain psychological “framing”, she slips. “People don’t look at you the same way, she says, you attract attention, and you get a little addicted to it…”
It is also armed with her new measurements that she ends up registering on a dating site, in her late thirties, for the very first time in her life. “In 24 hours, I received hundreds of messages. “No doubt:” I catch, anyway! She met her first lover there, with whom she had her first relationship. Without telling him that this is a first, however. And then ? “Like anyone, she says still laughing, pain and nothing to report. “She does not pour out on the relationship, which lasts all the same four years, because sexually, it was not exactly that: “He was not very open, he had limitations, me, I had want to find out! […] And then the frequency was not there…”
And then she has time, years, to catch up.
A few months later, still on a site, Viviane meets a second lover, a story that only lasts a few months here, but which changes her life. “He was more sexual than my ex-husband, and he told me this: you like sex, and you have the right. It changed my life. »
Note that she left him because Monsieur had an evening contract, sixty days in a row. “I will not laugh: 60 days without sex, after 38 years? It’s no ! »
It was two years ago. Back to the dating sites, where, one thing leading to another, Viviane ends up falling on a libertinism network. Since then, everything has fallen apart.
I did not know that existed ! How many people were open to that! Assumed themselves! I discovered a world!
Viviane
And then ? “It’s been anarchy ever since!” In the first 24 hours, Viviane receives some 400 messages. “I was getting yelled at because I wasn’t responding fast enough! The men are starving over it! Her very first, she won’t soon forget, came with massage oil and chocolates. “We never spoke again, but that gave me confidence. »
In less than a year, Viviane slept with a good hundred men. “Several times a week, sometimes several times a day […]. And I had fun with almost everyone. […] But my quest has always been to find one and only partner. To keep it simple. Note the choice of the word: partner and not in love. “I don’t want to settle down! »
In the lot, only one bad experience, with a guy who did not attract him at all (in addition to spitting everywhere). But Viviane was unable to kick him out. “I don’t like being rejected in life. So I have a hard time doing it to others…”
Through these adventures, a constant, she notes: many married men. “These guys, you feel like you give them heaven. My best fucks have been with married men. It’s sad, but they are so grateful! »
Yet another encounter changes his life again: a guy in an open couple. It was a few weeks ago. “It completely changed my vision of the couple. I’m jealous of their way of life! »
So since that day, Viviane has been seeing couples as a bonus. Even if she is not necessarily interested in women. “I’m heteroflexible, she adds, but the chemistry between two people attracts me! »
These days, she’s been actively dating a few couples, and aside from one failure (“both were smoking!”), her enthusiasm hasn’t waned. The way of life excites him. “It’s just open people! That’s really what I want! […] I see that these couples are all fulfilled, happy and very sexually liberated. For me, it’s the best of both worlds! I see men who cheat on their wives, couples who divorce, there is a sexual heaviness. Now, with these open couples, it’s the opposite! There is a lightness! »
And then she comes back from afar, need we remind you: “I missed so many experiences in my life, we are surrounded by illnesses, by deaths, it seems that I don’t want to die before having lived everything! »
Moreover, and for the first time, she wrote it on her profile: Viviane is now looking for a lover. But libertine, and nothing less!
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity