Candauquoi? Even our self-corrector doesn’t know. Interview with a man with particular fantasies: he gets off on sharing.
“Perhaps we have a somewhat particular sexuality? Or maybe not that much? », begins our interlocutor, who has not exploited this fantasy so much as he has intellectualized it. A researcher by trade, he has long sought to understand himself, precisely. And his goal here is very clear: “to show that ordinary people also have special desires”.
In this case: imagining and observing your partner with another.
Martin*, in her early fifties, arranged to meet us close to The Press, with his spouse. And even if we see there the sign of a couple visibly united, we must gently remind them that unfortunately, our interviews are always face to face. No problem, sir has chosen a table apart, while madam works further on her computer.
His sexuality began on a very traditional note, he begins. At 15, Martin has a first girlfriend, an “exclusive” relationship that stretches over five years. “It was very beautiful and we were very much in love. »
Very loving, and probably a little “naive”, he adds. They dreamed of projects, trips, even children. “In the naivety of adolescence and love. “However, his bride cheated on him, and Martin remembers having taken it “very, very, very” with difficulty. “I was morbidly jealous for a year. It took me a very long time to recover…”
A far from trivial detail, to which he will return throughout the interview.
In the early twenties, Martin saw new relationships. One, notable, with whom he has a “very, very” beautiful sexuality, “very satisfying” and “without extravagance”, he specifies, with whom he however feels this first “puff”, or this new fantasy: “ I was inhabited by a sexual excitement, to think that she might have a relationship with another guy”.
With another ? “It wasn’t thought out,” he says, but with hindsight, and a hint of “psycho-pop,” Martin questions himself. “My jealousy is gone […], but I hurt so much, did I return that pain? »
At the time, this fantasy scared him a little.
It’s like being on a tightrope: can I live with that?
Martin, early fifties
He doesn’t have much time to think about it. Following this relationship, Martin meets a new woman, the mother of his children this time, with whom he remains for 20 years. In bed ? “No extravagances, he repeats, but a beautiful couple’s sexuality, without deviation. No deception. »
A story in “gentle slope” over the years, despite a certain revival towards the end, when Martin finally confides. “I opened up about my desires for sexual extravagance, which fueled me, imagining her with another guy,” he recalls. Madame is “very” surprised, without necessarily being “shocked”. They even end up having a foursome adventure, which leaves Martin happy.
But beware: not exactly by the act, very “mechanical”, but rather the tomorrows, frankly happy in his eyes. “We were great accomplices! It filled me in my delirium! »
The adventure does not happen again. Moreover, and in summary, Martin, mid-forties, ends up separating. Single, for a rare time in his life, he suddenly dreams of madness. “I want adventures, to have fun! It does not happen, since he falls in love again, with a woman who is unfortunately not very interested in exploring.
She also finds him a little “weird” with his fantasies, ” borderline disturbed,” he says. Suddenly, Martin questions himself and does his research to reassure himself. Thanks to the internet, he discovers that his trick has a name, candaulism, therefore, and that many share it: men, women, couples, “for some, it’s a way of life! “.
It was written, the relationship does not last, and Martin ends up meeting his current girlfriend, a fellow researcher like him. Here we are. This time, a twist. “She has the same mirror fantasy, he marvels, knowing her boyfriend with another girl, or in front of her! »
I feel understood! Partner in crime ! I can talk about it very freely, without being judged!
Martin, early fifties
One caveat: Madame is not ready to take action and live out her own fantasies (in short: sharing Martin), but open to the idea of living those of Martin (in short: being shared, her). But no matter, Martin sees nothing but good in it: “She understands me! »
Note that their sexuality as a couple is also “almost banal”, he underlines with a smile. “But that satisfies us because we have fantasies, and the chance to feed them! »
It also took two big years before they took action, precisely. “I feared my own fantasy, he always intellectualizes. Even today, I ask myself the question: how am I going to live with this? Am I going to be jealous? […] There is exhilaration and pain at the same time, like skydiving. Maybe I need to jump into the void? »
Still, they ended up, yes, by taking the leap, with a guy found online, to give Madame a “massage”. “I feel like it’s my fight against my morbid jealousy. […] We are supposed to be exclusive, here we are anarchists, not like everyone else. We dare, we go beyond ourselves. […] I think it’s part of my personality: I’m a researcher, I enjoy exploring. »
They even repeated the offense two or three times, and if the adventure in itself was not necessarily so exhilarating, it is above all in the “complicity” of the couple that Martin ends up finding his account.
And let’s say that they have probably not finished being accomplices. Our lovers recently started filming themselves and sold it all to a feminist porn site, he slips, at the very end of the interview. Why ? “For the excitement!” The thrill! Do something special. […] This is our common project. There is no couple project more intimate than this. »
Its goal ? “Showing people’s real sexuality,” he says. It comes down to this: putting an end to taboos, fears of performance, showing true sexuality. »
A bit like what he’s doing right now, telling us about himself, we understand. “Perhaps there is also an exhibitionist desire? There is something liberating in assuming…” That too, we had understood.
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity