Sexual Assault | What to tell our children?

In Quebec, nearly half of the victims of sexual assault are minors, and three to five times more often girls^⁠1. Under these conditions, what can we say to our children? What precautions should we suggest to them without conveying our fears to them and infringing on their freedom? Here are some avenues to explore.

Louise Leduc
The Press

A balance to be found

In Canada, one in three women and one in eleven men report having been victims of sexual assault since the age of 15.

Basically, “a third of mothers have themselves already been victims of sexual violence”, underlines the psychologist and professor at the University of Montreal Isabelle Daigneault, who is also director of the Research Laboratory on Health and Resilience Trajectories. sexually assaulted young people.

Those who have been assaulted by their grandfather or uncle may therefore be reluctant to let their children go alone to relatives, illustrates M^me Daigneault. Or those who have been molested by a stranger may refuse to let their children walk the streets alone.

On the other hand, the blind trust of other parents carries risks. “You can’t let children go to sleep anywhere, at any age,” says Ms.^me Daigneault, evoking for example pajama parties.

How do you find the right balance between overprotection and letting go? “We could tell our children to stay home and not take any risks. But it’s not a life like that that we want, ”replies M^me Daigneault.

“Depending on the age of the young people, we must inform them of the risks, but not limit ourselves to drawing up a list of dangers for them. It must be accompanied by tools to better protect oneself. »

Learn self-defense techniques

Very quickly in the interview, Mr.^me Daigneault evokes the usefulness of martial arts lessons for young girls. Doesn’t that mean placing all the responsibility for safety on the girls themselves? “Women are never responsible for the attacks they suffer,” she insists. But you have to teach them strategies that can work to some extent. »

This even applies to bullying. “There is also a gradation of physical gestures that can be made and that girls can use — including when the sexual violence comes from someone close — until they are safe. »

Detect the dangers

Young people must be made aware of the situations that make them vulnerable, insists Ariane Hébert, psychologist. She evokes those parties where a girl finds herself alone in the middle of a group, or even a situation where a boy that a teenager barely knows offers to drive her home.

Without completely concealing the risk of being assaulted by a complete stranger – which still represents one out of ten assaults in Quebec² —, it is important, says Isabelle Daigneault, to insist on the typical aggressor, namely a person in the child’s inner circle (a family member, a friend, etc.).

In his A guide for very young girls, the Government of Canada insists on this aspect by giving various examples of predators. Mention is made of the teenager who promises his little sister to give him his “sex education”, the piano teacher, the instructor at the summer camp…

To guide the discussion, the CHU Sainte-Justine has compiled a list of tips for addressing the issue of aggression with children, and thus doing prevention. It offers different scenarios to discuss: “For example, what would you do if an adult approaches you in the street and tells you that your mom has a problem and that she asked her to pick you up? What would you do if a stranger told you he lost his little dog and wanted you to help find it? »

And what about the boys?

Moreover, as psychologist Isabelle Daigneault reminds us, boys are also often victims of sexual assault. Caution is therefore just as important for them.

They must be aware of what consent is, says psychologist Ariane Hébert. It is also their responsibility to voice their disagreement out loud when contemptuous remarks about women are made in their presence.

Finally, we can emphasize that it is possible for young people to intervene when they see that a girl seems to be in danger. Of course, says M.^me Hébert, the boys must first make sure they are safe and, if necessary, do not hesitate to ask for help.