It took me a few weeks of hindsight before being able to put into words the feeling of infinite sadness that has inhabited me since the announcement of Vadim’s death. The return to school that it will not make decided me to do it, like a message launched to release the pain and to arouse attentive listening.
Posted at 12:00 p.m.
Vadim was a calm young man, member of a group of ten boys welded together by years spent together in secondary school, and of which my youngest is part. Neither COVID-19 nor the dispersal of the group to different colleges has altered this friendship. She simply expressed herself differently and was kept a little at a distance given the restrictions and instructions. The boys rubbed shoulders virtually and saw each other in small groups, as permitted. This distance imposed and difficult to live with at a pivotal time in their lives will have done a lot of damage.
It was virtually that we learned that Vadim had given up on the life his mom had given him. A clear choice. A choice that deeply shook me in my convictions since my work consists of saving the life or giving time to young people of the same age who are suffering from hematological cancers and who do not want to die.
hard to accept
A difficult decision to accept and which plunged my son and his group of friends into the very real world of those who are left behind with their pain, their fear, their questions, their doubts and their guilt. A real earthquake in the lives of these boys who became adults and who rubbed shoulders with Vadim and loved him.
So for Vadim’s mom and little sister whose abysmal grief has overwhelmed me and who probably won’t read these words, and for all those moms and dads who will have seen their child choose to end his life, I want to underline in pencil that this life ended abruptly will have been important and will have profoundly marked the course of those he rubbed shoulders with by allowing them to realize the purpose of life, the fragility of the human being, the hidden signs of distress and the importance of sincere friendship.
My son told me that he thinks about Vadim every day. Me too. He misses him and although he cannot explain himself or understand the gesture, he remains attached to the calm young man he was, and this friendship will have no end.