When Maël is in class, he looks out the window and is jealous of the passers-by outside. The 9-year-old boy does not like school. As for hundreds of children, the end of the summer holidays and the return to school represent a challenge for him and his family. How can you better live this transition?
Posted at 11:00 a.m.
“In kindergarten, he turned up. And since then, every return to school, he has fits, he cries, he doesn’t want to go, ”says Stéphanie Boivin, mother of Maël and two other children aged 12 and 11.
For Maël, the school “restricts his freedom”. He cannot move there, run there and do what he wants there. “He is already anticipating the resumption of the routine”, drops Mme Boivin, a 37-year-old educational advisor.
For Sofia, 13, it’s different: it’s her great shyness that slows down her desire to go to school. “She has trouble taking her place,” explains her father, Renaud Moretti, a 54-year-old Montrealer. Back to school is anxiety-provoking because she has to relearn how to live in a group. His instinct is to want to avoid it…”
Caroline Lambert faces another challenge with her 10-year-old daughter. She must make a lot of effort to maintain the pace of learning in class. In addition, another difficulty is added this year: she will be separated from her great friend, assigned to another group of 5e year.
“Her only interest in school was due to this friendship,” says the mother of three children who lives in Trois-Rivières. Since she knows they won’t be in the same class, she doesn’t want to know anything about school, back to school, or even the purchase of supplies! »
Listen and try to understand
For parents of these school-hating children, the past few weeks and those to come are emotionally charged. “We want to accompany and support her, but at the same time, the purpose remains the same, she has no choice but to go to school,” slips Mr. Moretti.
Nancy Doyon, specialized educator and family coach, agrees with this dad: there is a part of firmness to maintain, as parents, in the face of children’s refusal to go to school. “The child must understand that not going to school or daycare is not an option,” she says.
The worst thing to do, according to her? Take him home at the slightest discomfort. Or try to convince him that everything will be fine, that it will be fun, cooleasy…
We should rather listen to our youngster and try to understand why he doesn’t like school. What does he find difficult? We must allow him to empty his heart and we listen and welcome. The child must feel that his feelings are validated.
Nancy Doyon, specialized educator and family coach
Among the possible reasons, there are difficulties at school, feeling incompetent or socially unskilled, anxiety or simply lack of interest.
Get back to routine
According to psychologist Nathalie Parent, returning to routine after a summer with a less structured schedule is a transition that can put children off. “It’s good to ask yourself, as a parent, what the start of the school year means for us,” she says. Sometimes the children act in accordance with what the parents quietly think…”
His suggestion? Name our own vision of things and, if necessary, our discomfort. “You can say to your child: ‘It’s true that we were on vacation, I don’t feel like it either!’ And then we focus our talk on the things he likes about school, like his friendships, his music class, recreation, contact with a teacher…”
In the days before returning to school, parents can set up a slightly more regular routine in preparation for the start of the school year. “The routine is important, insists Mélanie Bilodeau, psychoeducator. When it is stable, coherent and constant, it leads the child to be in action, to take responsibility, and then, to lower his stress. »
PHOTO DOMINICK GRAVEL, LA PRESSE ARCHIVES
Mélanie Bilodeau, psychoeducator
In the same vein, she adds that giving yourself time, in the morning and in the evening, so as not to have to rush the children is a solution that can facilitate the resumption of routine.
Using tools to soothe children — manipulatives, a family calendar, or upbeat music upon waking up — can go a long way in comforting the sulking child.
“We can also talk to the teacher about the problem experienced,” says Marianne Bissonnette, product manager at Allo Prof Parent and Allo Prof Enseignant. “And as a parent, you have to be careful to talk about school positively. That does not mean that you have to pretend that it will be wonderful and that it will be the most beautiful moment of your life! But try to illustrate that apart from the difficulties, there are interesting things at school. »
If the child is in crisis and expresses a lot of anger in relation to school, or if family tensions are accentuated because of the situation, do not hesitate to consult a professional.