Who can’t wait to get ready for the race every morning to arrive on time before the bell rings? Who can’t wait to prepare series of lunches day after day?
Can’t wait to drive and pick up the kids from school, swimming lessons, soccer, dance? Are you in a hurry to prepare supper by trying as best you can to keep calm during homework time with a child who is not very motivated to complete it? Who’s looking forward to all of this at the same time? Not so much, no…
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The mental load of the parents is at its height, the shortage of interveners in the school environment and the lack of resources are glaring, the teachers are out of breath and the children are pressed by the demands of the daily rhythm. In recent decades, we have witnessed a weakened school context, in which each worker tries to get through the school year as best he can by helping children progress towards meeting the requirements of the program.
To this portrait of an exhausted and exhausting education system have been added the constant requests for adaptations since the start of the pandemic for all actors in the school environment. At home the situation is similar: families who try to support and stimulate their children in their learning through an already overloaded daily life, fearing that otherwise they will not succeed.
Stressful context
In such a stressful environment, one can often feel powerless to act. The use of more controlling educational techniques then gradually took hold: table of points for “good” and “bad” behavior, use of rewards to try to motivate young people, strict rules, pressure (arriving on time , meeting requirements), guilt-inducing criticism, punishment, shouting, verbal and physical violence…
When we feel pressured and solicited from all sides, it is not surprising that we lean towards an approach that gives us the impression of momentarily satisfying the lost control. We demand more than we guide, we raise our voice rather than taking the time to discuss, we punish rather than understand what makes the child react, we set strict rules rather than letting the young person explore. However, it is not a climate conducive to psychological development or to perseverance and academic success.
Do you know that one of the elements contributing the most to this motivation at school and to academic success is the fact that the child can say to himself “My teacher loves me”? Beyond the techniques used so that the child behaves well and performs well, the relational aspect is essential. Are we forgetting that what is fundamental to the development of human beings is the relationship with others? We need to feel loved and connected to others, both at school and at home.
At the dawn of the return to class, I implore us to reprioritize the relationship rather than academic performance and success. As parents, as teachers, as school workers, we have an important role to play.
Rather than filling the family agenda with an overwhelming number of activities in the worried hope of stimulating our child even more, why not reduce the number in order to make room for pleasure with family and friends? Rather than stressing out with preparing supper at the fateful hour of homework, why not question our expectations and simplify the menus to be emotionally available to welcome your child back from school?
relationship and fun
Rather than a table of points to reward/punish behaviors, why not make a table in which the child can write down the moments when he felt good or when he had fun?
By focusing on relationships and pleasure, young people will be able to learn better. That’s what basic education is, right? Oh no, it’s true, it doesn’t count in the report…
Photo courtesy, Caroline Clouâtre, photographer
DD Genevieve Beaulieu-Pelletier,
Psychologist and speaker Associate Professor, University of Quebec in Montreal