Posted at 4:00 p.m.
It’s only been three years. Three short years that his couple, 30 years old, is officially libertine. And Roxane hasn’t been the same since. Story of a “rebirth”.
This is the word she uses to talk about this change of life: “I felt reborn. Quite a turnaround, when you know his journey. A journey that she does not need to be asked to tell, with several round trips between her “repressed” past, as she says, and her present tinged with openness, and above all with freedom.
“I was brought up very religiously”, also launches, and from the outset, the fifties with long blond hair in her soft and calm voice, recently met in a bistro in DIX30. “I went to church until I was 16. Masturbation was wrong. That gives you an idea where she comes from.
I felt guilty when I touched myself.
Roxanne
All the same, she had her first sexual experiences around the same age (“very short!”, she summarizes with a smile), met a handful of boys, before meeting her husband (first at 16, then at 18, two years later and for good). “And we never let go,” she says, not a little proud.
In bed ? “He had a lot of experience,” she recalls. And it was he who made my sexual fulfillment. »
From the outset, he broaches the question of partner-swapping with her (subtly and without ever putting pressure, she specifies). But for Roxane, it’s out of the question. “I didn’t even want to hear about it. Looking back, I think I was not well in my body. I felt fat! »
Their relationship is “correct” in his eyes. But for Monsieur, “really not enough”. “But I was not sexual,” she says. No, it’s not true: but it was repressed. »
Then come the children, late twenties. “And it fell dead. “If it was an issue? “But it sure is! Roxane replies without hesitation. What I think is that monogamy leads to frustrations. A single person is not able to meet all your needs. I understand that today! “It must be said that she has come a long way: “I made him suffer a lot: he was not allowed to masturbate! »
In addition to maternity, Roxane has, around the same time, various health concerns that regularly send her to the hospital. “I was in pain. I really didn’t have the head for ‘that’”, she specifies. Consequence: they only make love a few times a year. “But for me, it was okay. »
The less I do it, the less I want to. The more I do it, the more I want it…
Roxanne
And the couple in all of that ? “He wasn’t angry, but he had frustrations. So he walked away, and he got cold. But that’s normal ! “For her part, Roxane, in search of” affection “, lived her own frustrations. From this follows: “We had frustrations on both sides. »
Until recently, in fact. Until Roxane sinks into a deep depression, dark thoughts included. It was three years ago. “I had no more life. Just work. I feel like I’m dead. And then I was reborn. »
Here we are. It must be said that since then, everything has tumbled. “And when I came out of my depression, I told myself one thing: I was going to say yes to life. »
Do you see it coming? “I was going to stop being afraid, she continues, to say yes, to try. I was going to stop putting up barriers. And that’s when, quite naturally, she dared, and straightforwardly revived her husband on this idea of partner-swapping. Why there, after all these years of refusal? “Me, I had the libido in the carpet. Him ? Zero… ”
One thing leading to another, she learns about swingers clubs, rules and other codes to respect. Doubt a little (“Was it going to break my couple?”), then dive (“just to see”). “But in the end, it wasn’t just that,” she says, her eyes sparkling, recounting her very first evening (“I went into a trance! I lost the card!”). And especially its outcome: “Afterwards, I felt like I was flying! As if I had reconnected to life! »
The approach has the immense merit of having brought her closer to her husband. Not halfway. “It brought us together. In 33 years, we had never talked about everything. That was the start: we opened up completely. We communicated, communicated, communicated. We no longer have a secret garden! And their intimacy also benefited. “It was very intense. Like it hadn’t been for a long time. »
It was very, very, very beneficial for us. I would never go back.
Roxanne
Because we said it, it hasn’t been the same since. And not only sexually, “spiritually” too. “I evolved spiritually enormously thanks to licentiousness. Because it leads us to work on ourselves. When you see your husband making love to another woman, she illustrates, it works for you. The first few times, you have to take a step back. Sometimes it brings us back to the past very far, to childhood wounds. That leads us to work on that, no choice! So want, don’t want, that brings us to personal development! »
Moreover, since then, she has been on a “mission”. “We must abolish taboos around sexuality,” she says. And around the different couple models, other than monogamy. Everyone has the right to be free. […] Why would we deprive ourselves of that? »
* Fictitious first name, to protect his anonymity