It is invisible, leaves no bruises or marks on the neck, but it destroys lives. Psychological abuse is the most common form of domestic violence. Yet, we don’t talk much about it. Hard to grasp, it perniciously cracks self-esteem, swept away in a vortex of contempt, insults and repeated humiliations that unfold in a climate of fear and reprisals. Its victims — with no apparent injuries — must struggle to be taken seriously by society and the justice system. Yet they carry within them the “thousands of marks” of this destructive violence.
Psychological abuse is not a dispute between spouses. “It can always happen, a verbal gap, in a couple, underlines Louise Riendeau, of the Regroupement des maisons pour femmes victims de violence conjugale. But when we talk about psychological violence, this kind of difference happens regularly: we denigrate intellectual capacities, physical appearance, the way of making love, of educating children, of cooking. »
It is a question of frequent words and gestures that lead the victims, whose self-confidence is declining, to doubt themselves to the point that this affects their psychic balance.
Psychological violence accompanies or precedes all other forms of conjugal violence: physical, sexual, economic or verbal. “I see it as an umbrella. She is always present,” says Geneviève Landry, president of À coeur d’homme, an association that brings together 31 organizations that help men struggling with violent behavior in a marital and family context.
A continuum of violence
Conjugal violence is established on a continuum and is the result of events that cannot be taken in isolation from one another. “A gesture of physical or sexual violence does not happen just like that, explains Mme Landry. There is a before, a context that is linked to psychological violence. »
In fact, emotional abuse is so prevalent that it is the number one reason women give for seeking refuge in a shelter. In 2020-2021, 41% of sheltered women said that psychological violence was the main reason for their request for shelter, 32% said it was physical violence and 12%, verbal violence.
As part of her practice, former Quebec Court judge Suzanne Coupal presided over numerous trials for murder, assault and sexual assault. “I do not remember a crime committed in a context of domestic violence where there was no psychological violence, where there was not first a behavior of control. »
The actors in the field agree in asserting that psychological violence is practiced more by men than by women, as with other types of conjugal violence. This invisible violence is intertwined with an atmosphere of fear, reprisals and tension, creating a vice that gradually closes in on the victim. “The goal is to control, to have the person at his mercy,” says Manon Monastesse, of the Federation of Women’s Shelters. You will put too much salt in the meal, you will arrive late, and you know that you will suffer retaliation in the form of emotional or other violence. »
A violence which is however difficult to put an end to since, often, the perpetrators as well as the victims do not realize that they are caught in a spiral of psychological violence. And for a parent who experiences it, it can be very difficult to put an end to it even after a separation, since communications about children are so many opportunities for further denigration and control.
A control objective
To better describe the phenomenon and make it more understandable, groups for women victims, like researchers, have put forward the concept of coercive control. “It helps to better understand when we talk about psychological violence, argues Mme Monastery. Everything is controlled. Victims’ lives and thoughts are regulated by their spouses according to their needs. »
For Geneviève Landry, who is also the executive director of the organization Entraide pour hommes, this notion of control is indeed omnipresent, but with a nuance, according to her. Control is not always exerted on a person, but can also target a situation, in order to fight against a feeling of powerlessness.
Because it is widespread, but also because it can be the gateway to other types of violence, psychological violence must be better recognized by decision-makers and society in general, say the workers. “Spouses use violence that works,” explains Louise Riendeau. If psychological violence is effective, the perpetrator will often not need to use another type of violence. But if at some point he feels that the person is slipping away from his grasp, that’s when he could use physical or sexual violence. »
To shelter
In addition to the complaint to the police which can lead to criminal charges, psychological domestic violence is sometimes invoked to obtain a protection order, or in the context of a family law dispute, for example, to have custody of a kid.
But proving psychological domestic violence comes with additional challenges compared to physical one, reports Ms.e Maryse Lapointe, specialized in civil litigation, particularly in domestic violence cases.
Without visible physical injuries, it is more difficult to prove, even if “it leaves thousands of scars [intérieures] “, argues M.e Justine Fortin, from the Juripop legal clinic.
In a civil or family case, you will need expert evidence to demonstrate it, explains Mr.e Lapointe, which is expensive.
We can also find ourselves in a situation where “it is the word of one against the word of the other”, adds Me Fort. Frequently, the aggressor will deny the violence or argue that the ex-partner had already experienced trauma that weakened him long before they met. “It’s a more difficult proof to establish”, agree the two lawyers.
To stop harassment and intimidation after a separation, victims of psychological domestic violence can apply to a judge for a civil protection order. There is also the possibility of requiring that the ex-spouse be subject to a “peace and order bond”, by which a magistrate can impose conditions, such as not to approach his ex-spouse. spouse — what is called in legal jargon an “810”, in reference to this section of the Criminal Code. No need for there to have been a crime, it is a question of demonstrating the fear that an offense has been committed.
However, the burden of these legal proceedings remains heavy on the shoulders of the victims: if the civil protection order is not respected, it is necessary to return to court to have a contempt of court recognized – days of trial at the victim’s expense , said M.e Fort. On the other hand, if an “810” order is issued, a single call to the police is enough to implement it. However, the steps to obtain it are more numerous.
More recognized
Judges are, however, more inclined than before to recognize psychological domestic violence, notes Me Lapointe, because it is an increasingly discussed social problem.
As for the granting of a sum of money to compensate the victim of psychological domestic violence, Ms.e Lapointe begins to see judgments that go in this direction, “although this is infrequent and the sums are not very high”.
On the political level, some progress has recently been made. 1er March 2021, the new Divorce Act came into force. In its definition of domestic violence, the federal government includes “coercive and controlling behavior” and “emotional abuse” to guide judges.
On the Quebec side, Bill 2 on the reform of family law adopted last week takes into account family violence, but without defining it. A missed opportunity, according to groups of women victims, since this definition would have made it possible to ensure that the courts no longer treat this type of situation as “severe separation conflicts”.