Many individuals tend to lose touch with friends upon entering a romantic relationship, as new love often demands significant time and energy. Research from the University of Oxford indicates that people typically reduce their close friend count by two when a partner is involved. Emotional investment in friendships declines due to the focus on the romantic relationship, which can lead to feelings of neglect among friends. Maintaining these connections is vital for mental health and overall well-being.
The Disappearing Act of Friends in Relationships
In any social circle, there’s often one individual who seems to vanish once they enter a romantic relationship. The excitement of new love frequently consumes their time and energy, leading to a neglect of other important connections. This phenomenon raises an intriguing question: why do relationships seem to cost us our friendships?
The Dynamics of Friendship Altered by Love
Researchers from the University of Oxford have delved into the impact of romantic relationships on friendships. Their findings reveal that individuals in a relationship tend to reduce their close friend count by an average of two. Typically, a person might have around five close friends; however, this number shrinks to four when a partner comes into the picture. As Robin Dunbar, a professor of evolutionary anthropology at Oxford, notes, “When you factor in the new partner, it means you’ve likely let go of two other connections.”
The reason behind this shift lies in the energy and focus directed toward nurturing the new relationship. As Dunbar explains, “When your attention is primarily on your partner, the opportunity to engage with other friends diminishes, which can lead to a decline in those relationships.” He emphasizes that emotional investment in friendships is closely linked to how frequently we interact with those individuals; less interaction can lead to weakened emotional bonds.
This phenomenon, sometimes referred to as ‘boyfriend sickness’ in English-speaking cultures, applies universally across genders and orientations. According to Amir Levine, an associate professor of psychiatry at Columbia University, the brain’s attachment system becomes highly active with a new partner, often prioritizing that relationship above others. “Typically, there’s one person who rises to the top of your priority list,” he explains. “In the case of a new romance, that person is usually the partner.”
Psychotherapist Charlotte Fox Weber highlights the emotional turmoil for those left behind. “There’s often a social expectation to express happiness for your friend, but it can be painful to feel abandoned,” she shares. Despite the joy of love, it’s crucial to recognize the value of friendships. Maintaining these connections is essential for overall mental health and wellness, as Fox Weber reminds us: “Friendships contribute significantly to our sense of identity, purpose, and well-being.”