(Shanghai) His wife works. He, voluntarily unemployed, plays with the children, cooks and cleans: Chen Hualiang, 40, is a stay-at-home dad, a status that was once unthinkable in China, but which is increasing with changing mentalities.
In his house in the suburbs of Shanghai, where he lives with his writer wife, his 4-year-old daughter and his 11-year-old son, this former project manager in industry who has chosen to resign, says he enjoys his new life.
“I am happier, more relaxed” and “the atmosphere at home is clearly better,” he explains to AFP.
“When you work, you dream of a great career and that this money will help your family. But nothing is certain and a salary is not necessarily what your family needs the most.”
According to a 2019 survey cited by state media, 52% of Chinese would agree to become stay-at-home dads, a phenomenon that is widespread in Europe but still marginal in Asia. They were only 17% in 2007, a sign of a decline in patriarchal traditions.
“My father was just a father. I never felt like he could help me, except financially,” Chen said. “I want to be like a friend to my children, so they can share things with me.”
His lifestyle choice frees up time for his wife Mao Li, author of a best-selling essay on stay-at-home dads.
PHOTO HECTOR RETAMAL, AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE
Mao Li and Chen Hualiang with their children.
“At the beginning of the marriage, I questioned his usefulness as a spouse […] He worked a lot, so he didn’t help me with the children or give me much attention,” she explains.
“But now that he’s taking care of the kids and is at home, I find him super useful” and “I give him 9.5/10!” she smiles.
“You have to work”
In a sign of the growing acceptance of stay-at-home fathers by society and the authorities, a 36-episode television series on the subject, adapted from Mao Li’s book, has just been broadcast by state television CCTV.
The opportunity to rekindle the sometimes heated discussions on these “full-time dads”, as they are called in Chinese.
“My parents are a little concerned that I’m a stay-at-home dad,” Chen Hualiang notes.
“And sometimes some people, especially on social media, say that I live off my wife.”
PHOTO HECTOR RETAMAL, AGENCE FRANCE-PRESSE
Chen Hualiang with his daughter.
In China, tradition dictates that men bring in the money needed to support the household and women take care of household chores and children.
So these dads are regularly confronted with incomprehension.
“At the beginning, my parents and grandparents often said: you have to work,” Xu Xiaolin, 34, from Xiamen, a stay-at-home father since the company he worked for went bankrupt, told AFP.
“Elderly neighbours also sometimes make comments to them. It will bother them and so they put pressure on me,” not to mention the mockery from passers-by when he walks his 2-year-old son alone.
“But those under 35 no longer have this mentality.”
Value for money
On Xiaohongshu, a Chinese social network similar to Instagram, countless young dads proudly promote their lifestyle.
“The increase in the number of stay-at-home dads is due to the fact that women now have a higher status,” Pan Xingzhi, founder of an online psychological counseling platform, told AFP, even if women are still not very visible at the top of the hierarchy.
People also see the “value for money,” she says: For a couple, giving up a salary and caring for their baby themselves is often less expensive than hiring a nanny and a childminder – almost essential services, but expensive in China.
Except that before, it was always the woman who made this renunciation.
Education content creator and entrepreneur Chang Wenhao, 37, who lives in Zhuhai, has rearranged his work to be “80 percent available” for his 7-year-old daughter and 5-year-old son.
Camping, horse riding, cycling, tennis, hiking: he does a lot of outdoor activities with them… sporting hobbies that he says are less popular with his wife.
“On methods of education, encouragement, on how to build self-confidence, shape one’s abilities, one’s independence in life, I bring them things that they don’t learn at school or from other adults,” he believes.
He says he sees the beginnings of change in recent years.
“Many fathers are beginning to value the company and education of their children” and to listen to their needs and “this will continue to develop,” he predicts, “although to have a profound change, it will still take time.”