Tonight, insomnia overwhelms me. At 24, I realize that the last two years of my life have been swallowed up by a tumultuous experience. My 22 and 23 years have turned into indescribable chaos. Tonight, I revisit buried memories. I have always adopted a relaxed attitude towards life, my mantra being “it’s not a big deal.”
Yesterday was April 4, 2022. Today is July 7, 2024. A little over two years have passed since that famous date. I still remember the place, the smell, the fear, the fatigue, and the loneliness. I was at my grandfather’s house, who lent me his house while he spent the winter in Mexico. In exchange, he avoided burglars and I had the freedom to live alone. My boyfriend had joined me for those three months, a period that allowed us to test cohabitation.
That Monday in April, my life took an unexpected turn. Around 9:30 p.m., I felt a strange sensation in my body. I was burning and dizzy, with intense cramps.
In the basement bathroom, surrounded by the reassuring smell of old oak, I felt both protected and terrified. This wasn’t just indigestion. It was something much more serious.
My worried partner stood in the doorway, ready to help me. Despite his reassuring presence, I knew this discomfort was beyond anything I had ever experienced. I finally fell asleep, exhausted, only to wake up 12 hours later, still tired. This fatigue did not leave me for about two months. My days were punctuated by vomiting and abdominal cramps.
Vomiting
The medical system, faced with my condition, offered me only temporary and ineffective solutions. Several trips to the emergency room resulted in vague diagnoses, prescriptions for antibiotics, proton pump inhibitors and temporary rehydration. One night, weakened, I fainted alone in the bathroom. My partner, awakened by my movements, rescued me just in time as I vomited uncontrollably while unconscious.
Since April 4, 2022, vomiting has become a sad routine. My vomiting diary is always at hand so that I can try to find out what is happening to me myself. I can no longer do intense sports, because it triggers vomiting attacks that can last from a few hours to several days.
I am limited in my food choices. I have to make sure I get enough sleep and am not tired. My friends are used to my sudden absences to go throw up. I tell them, “I’ll be right back.”
The medical follow-up was disappointing. A gastroenterologist followed me for a few months before he retired. He did some relevant tests, all of which were negative. Because of these results, the follow-up stopped. Recently, thanks to a contact, I have a new specialist. But the wait times for in-depth tests are long. In the meantime, my life is on hold. I had to extend my university studies and give up many social activities.
A teacher by profession, I give my body and soul to make my students’ daily lives better and fun. I would like to have the energy that a 24-year-old woman is supposed to have and continue to shine in my profession.
My students know the condition I live with and it’s impressive, all the empathy they express to me. It’s also thanks to them that I’m holding on. Because even when I’ve spent my night in the bathroom, I want to go see them in the morning.
What keeps me alive is also my partner. His sincere and constant love is an invaluable support. Despite my absences and my early nights under the influence of sleeping pills, he remains by my side. My parents, my family, destitute, try to help me as they can, but have seen their daughter sick for more than two years without much progress.
According to the emergency room doctors, I am stressed. I have been offered medication for anxiety. I have often tried to understand stress, an emotion that I did not think I knew. My life, marked by a relaxed attitude, did not seem to me to generate stress. What I know and what the doctors know is that it is nothing serious. Otherwise, I would not be writing today. In conclusion, if it is not dangerous, there is no hurry to improve my living conditions. How many more years like this?
Today, by telling my story, I want to denounce the shortcomings of the Quebec health system and the bad habit of not taking women seriously, too often attributing their symptoms to stress. In addition, I hope to break the loneliness that has accompanied me since that day in April. Being sick frequently, we end up developing an immense strength that we would never believe we had within ourselves. I want to remind everyone that our health can change at any time. It is essential to enjoy every moment with our loved ones, to live fully and to love ourselves.
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